You know what? I’m feeling a little bit nasty and unforgiving today. Looking back, I’ve been through a lot as a parent to a an autistic child. Throughout the years, people tend to judge me and criticize me more than giving me support; hence the reason why I stopped surrounding myself with such people who thinks they know it all and blatantly told me in the face that I’ve been doing things the wrong way. I’m just too tired to be miserable. The world I’m living in…practically have no autism awareness whatsoever, and I very much prefer to be with those who are supportive and enlightened.
Not sure if any of you want to read this, but I’ve compiled 50 things people said to me regarding my child and my parenting skills. Care to add anymore so that it will reach one hundred? I mean, you people have been saying all sort of things to me and to my son, I’m sure you have more to say. Go ahead. Have a field day.
Brace yourself. It’s a long list:
1. You are too soft. He needs a smack to show him you are the boss. Can’t you control your child?
2. He’ll grow out of it.
3. He looks normal. Are you sure he has autism? His autism symptoms are not obvious, I think.
4. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
5. I’m so glad my kid doesn’t act that badly in public.
6. Have you ever considered that YOU are the problem? It’s not autism spectrum disorder! Stop saying that!
7. Do you work?
8. Does your child ever behave? Can he be cured?
9. You’re one of those lazy parents that use autism as an excuse. Start parenting properly!
10. Oh my child does that too, he’s just being a boy!
11. Just leave him with me for a week…. I will sort him out!
12. It must come from your side of the family.
13. If he was my child…. I will…
14. I would never allow my child to act like that.
15. You must really need a break.
16. It must be because your husband is always not around and the kid have no male role model to look up to. Have you spoken to your husband about this?
17. Why don’t you send him to a babysitter?
18. When will he talk? Why he only parrots what people say? My children can talk! In fact, they talk alot! Why isn’t your child talking? How old is he now? He’s supposed to be talking!
19. Give the child some space! Let him be! How will he grow up if you keep coddling him that way?
20. Look at the parents… I can see why the child is like that.
21. You need to be doing more to help.
22. Is your child retarded? Get help from autism speaks or something.
23. Wow, how do you do it? I could never deal with that!
24. Oh it’s probably just a phase he’s going through.
25. You really need to make him “get over” some of these issues he has.
26. It’s just the way you raised him!!
27. He’s just being manipulative.
28. He’s not autistic. He looked me in the eyes and autistic kids don’t do that.
29. If you can’t control your child keep him in the house.
30. What drugs did you take when you were pregnant to make him autistic?
31. You made a mistake by allowing him to be vaccinated! The vaccines have side effects! Baby immunizations caused autism! Don’t you know that? It caused autism!
32. You’re lucky, it could be worse.
33.You are just obsessed with autism. Stop giving excuses!
34. Well, it was God’s will. Just keep praying. He will get better soon.
35. Oh, autistic kids are geniuses! (That’s great, but do note that not all autistic children are Rainman. Right now I’m still hoping and praying that my child will someday do very basic things such as saying his own name.)
36. Well at least he doesn’t look like there is something wrong.
37. He doesn’t look autistic. Are you sure he is autistic?
38.You can’t use autism as an excuse. He really is just being a brat. If you don’t control it now what kind of adult will he be?
38. Don’t reward his “bad behavior.”
39. Do you mind if your child doesn’t play with mine? He awkward and destructive behaviour is a very bad example to my children.
40. Why haven’t you tried that? I heard about someone who cured their child that way?
41. He only acts that way with you.
42. I’ve raised kids and they don’t act like that.
43.Why is he such a picky eater? Why doesn’t he eat rice? Why did you not teach him properly? He doesn’t have enough nutrient, that is why he is like that!
44. Oh it’s not severe. He’ll be just fine.
45. You should probably send him away to a home or an institution. Have you even consider that? You should!
46. He can’t be autistic.. My friend has a kid with autism and he’s nothing like him.
47. It must be easy being a stay at home mom. You’re lucky!
48. You need to potty train him now.
49. God only gives what you can handle.
50. Your child is old enough to know better than that.
Sad to say that sometimes, even strangers are much kinder to me and my son than my loved ones, family and friends. My son had reach quite a lot of milestone this year, and it’s all due to my own sweat, tears and blood. Nobody helped me through it personally. The struggle was mine alone. Not even loved ones helped me through it. It’s just the two of us…me and son this year.
Okay, okay…that’s a little exaggerating…I’ll give credit where it’s due. There is a few people I should really thank for the changes in my son’s life and his progress. These people may not be directly involved in my life and son’s life, but their kind words and encouragements and have been a huge pillar of strength and inspiration to me. My blogger friends, Missyblurkit for all her encouragements and kind words, WackyBecky for having enough faith in me to invite me and my son for her company’s events, my FB friend Norlaila for giving me perspective how it is like to live as a disabled since she is a special need person herself…you’ll never know how much it meant to us.
Missyblurkit may never know this, but her words offered me so much comfort and strength. WackyBecky may never know this too, but her choice in not discriminating has given my son a chance to explore his environment and give him a chance to socialize and fit in, and my son has shown tremendous progress since. And as for Norlaila, she has open my eyes on how it really feels to be a special need person. Through her, I see the world of special need people differently. The three of you may never know or realize this as you are not directly or actively involved in my child’s life, but thank you…you guys supported me and inspired me in a way not even my family members and loved ones did. Thank you, thank you so much.
Cleffairy: None of you will survive a day walking in my shoes. Mark my words. NONE! Unfortunately, I can’t spank autism out of my child anymore than I can slap the ignorance out of YOU!
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