How to earn a Datukship in Malaysia

I’m quite aware that a lot of us here is dreaming to be a Datuk…not as in grandfather ‘Datuk’ but the recognition given to individuals who contributes a lot in Malaysia. Well, dear precious readers, it’s actually very easy to earn a Datukship, all you need to do is just:

1. Be an athlete, train like mad, and earn back a medal of your choice in Olympic Games.

2. Do a plastic surgery or wear a susuk and go for some singing contest so that you can become a singer and earn your Datukship through your ‘contributions’ to the entertainment industry. Having a huge fan base, being coy through pretending that you are pure and chaste as well as marrying some cocky tycoon determines whether you’ll get your datukship easily or not too. So, ladies, be good, and go seduce some Datuk with a dozen kid who is almost the same age as your father to marry. Ohh, it’s so damn good! The Datuk is experienced in bed too, no?

3. Get involve in scandal. Be it sex scandal or even bribery. When you’re famous, it’s easier for you to earn Datukship.

4. Be a crony of powerful politician.

5. You must know how to converse in Hindi and sing Hindi songs very well.

6. You must change your surname to ‘Khan’. If your name is Tan Wai Ming, then you need to add ‘Khan’ at the end of your name.

7. You must know how to dance to Hindi song very well. So, take up belly dancing, baby!

8. If you don’t resemble any famous Bollywood actor or actress, well, then please seek consultation from Micheal Jackson’s plastic surgeon and ask the doctor to make you look like Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan or whatever Khan who is famous in Bollywood at the moment.

9. You must not be a Malaysian citizen. They don’t give Datukship to Malaysian or Malaysian who reside in Malaysia easily, but they give Datukship to an Indian actor easily, so guys, pack up your bags, and fly to Mumbai and apply for Indian citizenship.

10. Make a few Hindi movies, make some horny Malaysian swoon over your acting.These will help you to realize your dream of being a VIP Datuk.

And last but not least

11. When people finally award you with Datukship, you must be cocky and arrogant and do not appear during the awarding ceremony. The cockier you are, the better, because people will hunt you down to award you with the Datukship.

Cleffairy: Are we really out of Malaysian to award that we must award Shah Rukh Khan a Datukship? Have our country gone haywire? Well, apparently, yes. Who is next in line for Datukship? The guy who acted in Spiderman? Superman? Ironman?

22 comments

  1. roses says:

    you blog on early Sunday morning??
    -_____-
    been a while since i last stopped by

    serious? they are gonna grant Mr Shahrukhhan some Datukship??
    he is a Malaysian meh…the last i remember he is still rolling on the grass off India Land..

    what has come to our country??

  2. fergie says:

    hahahah .. LMAO Clef!!! Datukship going for peanuts la .. I think we simply point our finger and we get a “datuk” .. hahaha .. when you have a kid your father also become datuk!!!!! Have a great day!!!

  3. calvin says:

    datukship means kena ketuk pocket lar. but i think for celebrities, it is free. damn funny lar our royalties. why all the sudden to give the datukship to a foreigner, summore actor, summore didnt even do anything for the country….all he did is cry and cry like a baby in his movies. i think they want to foster closer ties to india thru shah rukh khan…..shah rukh kang kang sounds better, dont you think? ๐Ÿ˜›

  4. cleffairy says:

    Rose… lol, actually I can’t sleep on Saturday night because I need to wake up early on Sunday morn, forced myself to stay awake, and i have nothing better to do, so wrote something to condemn the Malaccan government for being an asshole for awarding Shah Rukh Khan a datukship. This datukship fiasco really irks me la… that feller did nothing but dance around and sob in his movie. Yes, Rose, he’s not a Malaysian. He’s an Indian national. He was, and he still is, and he’s not even planning to be a Malaysian. The only thing he did was use Malacca as a shooting location for his movie, and he get the bloody datuk title. Pissed me off…really. I feel that there’s more deserving individuals who contributes a lot in Malaysia and deserve the datukship more than Shah Rukh Khan.

    Fergie ahh, my dear Fergie, are you feeling better now? Yeah, you’re right, we should point fingers to get datukship… but if it’s me, I’ll show my middle finger, that is. *snarl*

    Calvin, I can understand why they gave datukship to Datuk Michelle Yeoh. Even though she’s living in US, but she is a Malaysian, by birth, no less. But Shah Rukh Khan? That bastard did what for our country? Promote Malacca in his movie? By God, I bet that guy did not even know a lot about Malacca to even talk about it.He probably only know that it’s a picturesque shooting location for his movie and decided to go “nehii nehiii” and dance around during his shooting in Malacca. ๐Ÿ™

    Pete
    … yeah, Datuk Pete. LMAO… I think if Shah Rukh Khan really deserve a datukship, then all of us here deserve a Datuk Seri! ๐Ÿ˜›

  5. Garfield says:

    For Michelle Yeoh, nothing to say,
    1. She is a Malaysian,
    2. She did a lot of contribution in charity activities (but that time no 1 even bother to mention about it coz she is not so famous).
    3. After she was exposed in “James Bond” movie, then Bolehland wanted to share the pride, so she is awarded to be a Datuk to share her pride.

    But anyway, I am amaze that she was not awarded Datuk for her charity activities, but she is awarded coz she appear in “James Bond”

    While for Shah Rukh Khan, I don’t see how a non Malaysian can be awarded the Datuk title while that award is suppose to be awarded to someone who have contribution to our own country.

    @Calvin,
    Not all royalty so sohai 1, only some certain ppl who dunno how to differentiate between Malaysian & Foreigners r sohai only,
    hahahha

  6. cleffairy says:

    Garfield, this is Bodohland we’re talking about. *smirk* One can choose to do charity and the next day, do some strip tease for people to see. And guess which one that will be an eye opener in the eyes of public and will be ‘awarded’?

  7. KevinP says:

    Hahaha… I suppose someone will write on that.. :).

    Datuk Shah Ruk Khan.. because he has in “some” ways promoted Malacca. Gosh… that is all you need to do.. maybe we can call up Rusty and tell him we have been promoting Malacca via blog and hence we deserva a datukship as well!

    This is stupidity at its highest… and we have to take our hats off to BN for monkeying around.

  8. Garfield says:

    yeah, i agree,
    if Shah Rukh KHan deserve the datukship, then most of us here deserve a datukship as well, since we r Malaysian, and Shah Rukh Khan is not even living in Shah Alam
    lol

  9. cleffairy says:

    No, no, Kevin, we’re supposed to do belly dancing in colourful sarees, not take off our hats for them. LMAO.

    Promote Malacca my ass lah! I’ve featured a couple of places in Malaysia…tourism spot, no less… wtf, they never give me datukship for that. Really celaka. LOL.

  10. ahfu says:

    sigh why malaysia still hasnt changed since the day i left? guess she needs my help… ops, you gotta give me the vote also…hohohoho

  11. cleffairy says:

    AhFu, it seems that Malaysia wun be changing anytime soon. Everyday also got all sort of nonsense turn up.

    Pete
    … I, Queen Elizabeth III hereby confer Pete the title Sir *lift up sword and place on Pete’s shoulder* LMAO.

  12. freaky.. says:

    This is freaky…la
    Whats got into the heads of the UNMo-Malaccan Gomen?
    This is sickening. .the Gomen spending rakyats’ money on Sarukan..who is Sarukan to Malacca.. maybe he is the distant cousin of Tambichik or Rustamali… Malacca is becoming a laughing stok!!!

    I bet my last dollar that Sarukan doesn’t know his Datukship award. The fact that Sarukan never turn up for the investiture is a big blow to the Malaccan State Gomen!!!

  13. cleffairy says:

    Freaky, it’s indeed freaky, isn’t it? Now the datukship award seem to have lost it’s prestige as our government seems to confer any datuk that ‘promote’ malacca in their movie a datuk. There are many deserving Malaysian who contributes a lot to the country and deserve the award more than Shah Rukh Khan.

    Does he know the about the conferment or not, I’m not sure, but one thing for sure, if he does know and did not turn up at the ceremony, this is definitely and insult and international laughing stock to Malaysia.

  14. Panicbutton says:

    Now days, datuk awards are to be conferred more like presenting general souvenirs to the so-called “qualified recipients” recognized by the state rulers, governors, MBs or CMs. It is ridiculous to know even a tiny state can create so many datuks in conjunction of his governor’s official birthday. In the end, how many hundred of new datuk we have in one year? Unlike in the old days, it was not easy for our datuk and nenek moyang to get a lowest range state PJK or federal PPN award. It is meaningless to maintain so many medals and awards in this country because in the end average people only one unique aim, i.e. majority are aiming for datuk titles, they feel proud to be called datuks by others.

  15. jason says:

    A friend’s brother by the name of Maren a/l Chatchewan, a drop out in Kelana Jaya, a gangster in his time is going to conferred to DAtukship. All he has to do is pay 300K to the yayasan negeri sembilan and voila………Datukship on your doorstep. Where is the Justice in this world?

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