It’s just impractical

A couple of years ago, I went to visit my husband’s aunt during Chinese New Year. She had just lost her husband and was feeling rather depressed back then and someone told me that she would appreciate some companionship. And so, my husband and I went to visit her.

I was rather fond of her because she used to share the same hobbies with me and was was not really a nag in comparison to my husband’s other relatives.

But unfortunately for me, my opinion on her changed when she started to ask me about so many questions that I deem really private and confidential during this particular visit. She tried to probe about my sex life and asked me if I’m on Pills, and I definitely do not appreciate that.

I don’t know why she changed, but I assume that she’s been mixing with my husband’s other relative after her husband’s death contributed to the changes. She sounded exactly like them. I stopped seeing her since that day unless it’s really necessary and unavoidable.

This aunt asked me once about my relationship with my parents. She asked me how often do I go back to my parents’ place during festive season, in which, I answered: Almost never and I haven’t been going back during festive season for many years now. She was completely aghast with my emotionless answer to her question and immediately assume that I must have a really bad relationship with my family and our ties are somehow severed-because I never go back to visit my family at all during festive season.

Now, before I could explain to this aunt that my relationship with my side of the family is anything but bad, she started to preach and lecture me about the importance of being fillial. I wasn’t impressed, because for what it’s worth, I don’t go back to my parents’ place during festive seasons such as Eid, Christmas and Chinese New Year because I see them pretty often during off festive seasons. I do vacations with them, yes. But not go back during festive seasons as my family and I deemed it as impractical.

This aunt prattled on and on about it and I had no chance to correct her low opinions on me regarding the issue. I could safely conclude that the rest of the clans thought I was an unfilial daughter too then.

I don’t understand why people must relate going back to parents’ place during festive season is equivalent to being filial. I really don’t understand that. I don’t go back during festive season to my my mum and dad’s house and yet my relationship with them is great. They still love me and they don’t put a blame on me for not being filial for that. This is because I see them pretty often. They come to my place very often. We catch up on each other’s life very often and we spend quality time with each other pretty often too…

I don’t go back during festive season to my parents’ place because it is too troublesome and not worth the time and effort since they live in a place that’s at least 6 hours drive away.

My family and I…we’re practical, rational and completely reasonable creature. We prefer to spend quality time with each other, and we prefer not to waste our time getting mad while getting stuck in the traffic jam or paying disgustingly exorbitant amount of money for flight tickets and whatnot just so that we can see each other during festive season.

Traveling during festive season is absolutely tiring too as we don’t necessarily reach our destination in a short period of time. It can get dangerous too as the road is really accident-prone during festive seasons. My father and mother cared about me too much and they always refuse to let me and my little family travel back to their place during festive season. They don’t want us to ended up stressed, tired and a few thousands poorer by the time we arrived.

To go back to my hometown just so that I could have dinner with a bunch of nosy relatives seated at the table with my parents does not make any sense to me when I can spend a whole day with them in complete privacy during off-festive seasons. It’s much more stress free, I reckon.

We don’t have a reason to do what other people do when our relationship is more than good and scrutinizing relatives who assume that our relationship has gone awry be damned. I am not interested in any of their opinions because I know that the truth is not what they think it is. It’s all in their minds.

Commercials about going back to visit elderly parents during festive season is overrated too in my humble opinion. What good does it make if you just meet up with your elderly parents during festive season but the truth is that your relationship with them is beyond repair and you  don’t really care about their well being during other time of the year? If you really care, you’d do it any time of the year. Not just festive season. Am I right?

Tell me, what good does it make to just go back during festive seasons? Sure, you’ll look good in front of stereotyping relatives who thinks that being filial means going back to visit the elders during festive seasons… but come on, you know the truth and that is just trying to make a good impression among your relatives about you. It’s just a pretty illusion and deception.

Cleffairy: Visiting the elders during the festive season does no equate to being obedient and filial. I know this. My parents know this too. Unfortunately for me, the rest of the world does not always share the same opinion.

 

 

 

15 comments

  1. Christopher says:

    Ok lah,,,,some people are very busybodies …… Travelling during CNY is stressful but then I find it fun! Blasting my speakers with CNY songs while driving is fantastic.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Stressful is one thing… a waste of time and money is another thing. Just look at the price of air ticket… really expensive. I’d choose to go back on non-peak period any day and enjoy the hassle free traveling. Travel safe and go easy on the music, bro… it can be rather distracting.

  2. suituapui says:

    “I don’t understand why people must relate going back to parents’ place during festive seasons is equivalent to being filial.”

    When people grow old, they get lonely and depressed especially when the children live far far away…and going home for a reunion with them during Chinese New Year would be a lot more meaningful than at other times of the year. Nothing would mean more to the children than the smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes.

    You’d better believe this! My brother left for NZ in 1973…and he has never come home for CNY – in fact, he hardly ever came home – just once in a while…and now that our parents are sick, he would come back a bit more…but even then, just for a few days…and I must say that I’ve noticed that the family bond just isn’t there anymore.

    Don’t get me wrong! You are not obliged to go back. You don’t have to go back if you do not want to. It’s your life and it’s your choice to do what you want. No point going home at all if it’s not with all the sincerity in your heart. Anyway, you’re married now and once married, you’re expected to follow your husband home to your in-laws…for better or for worse.

    • small Kucing says:

      since your hubi’s aunt had highlighted your lack of visiting your parents on CNY, maybe should do like the malays does. One year go your-in-laws..one year go your parents place. Malaysian ma… ;p

      • Cleffairy says:

        Ehhhh… betul, betul… *EMO MODE* I dah lamaaaaaa tak balik jenguk grandpa… sobsob… miss him very badly… dah banyak tahun tak balik… sobsob… kesian… he must miss me badly.. taklah macam my hubby punya mama… walaupun setahun sekali… at least ada jugak jumpa… me leh… sobs… manyak kesian… 3 years liao. SOBS! Time to jadi anak cucu baik… must start going back every 3 month, jenguk my mak bapak at kampung, and must go bek during festive season too… *INSAF LIAO* (good idea, good idea… must always go back my parent’s and grandpa’s place lah…they are all nearly carnivore I will be well fed with daging, seafood dan makannan makanan yg sewaktu dengannya! Confirm will put on weight punya!)

          • Cleffairy says:

            Dono… my dad been complaining not much nice food in SP… but I’ll never know la… he whole life oso prefer to makan my mum’s cooking wan. No worries, if I got balik… I will tapau lotsa tupperwarefull of my mum’s sambal and whatnot for u. If u like my curry, you’ll definitely like most of her cooking. Manyak sedap wan… very flavourful… she tarak kedekut garam and rempah ratus wan. LOL!

    • Cleffairy says:

      Haizz… kesian Melissa… all alone there. Any friends not going back too? I think she sure have some Malay friends who opt out of balik kampung this year, rite?

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