Never meant to be…

Mother’s Day Special.

I am not designed to be a good mother. I guess, I never would be, because I’m not the sort of mother who would coddle her child all the time, and sacrifice everything and ditch my life to be with my child 24/7 just because I cannot get a hang on separation anxiety.

I have been told many times that I could appear heartless and somewhat cruel when it comes to raising my own flesh and blood, and I have never portrayed myself as a good mother. They call me all sort of things, and I distantly hear from people that I don’t know how to take care of my own child. (Oh…I think some people needs to look at themselves in the mirror. You judge me in 10 or 15 more years, all right? If my brat didn’t end up smoking, playing truant and mixing with some school gangster by the age of 15, that would mean you are the bad mum, not me, cuz unlike you, I actually manage to stop mine from turning into some bad shit and needs some knock on the head by someone else when he’s older.)

Anyway, I think some people are right about me. Absolutely right. I’m not a good mother in many ways. Because I’m not the kind of typical mother who would help her kid to stand up when he fall and scrape his knees, even when he begged me to help him up. I wouldn’t offer comfort. No. Would never offer him comfort and tell him I’ll always be there for him each time he fall, because it’s a blatant lie.

I would do nothing of that sort. When a child fell down, I would tell him to get up on his own because I wouldn’t be around forever to help him back on his feet each and every time he falls. But of course, I will applaud his effort and his success when he managed to stand up on his own and tell him how proud I am to see him do that on his own.

The child in question, might hate me for this, but he will thank me for it some day, because by not being a good mother along the way, I taught him something valuable, that one ought to stand up on his own each time they fall, because not everyone would help them and be there for them when they fall. Falling down is a part of growing up, and growing old. People don’t just fall down when they’re young. People stumble every now and then til they breathe their last. A child need to be taught the value of staying strong and persevere through life’s challenges.

I am also, not the kind of mother who would tackle things delicately. If a child ask me where do babies come from or how babies are born, they would probably regret it. I wouldn’t be explaining about it with the metaphor or birds and the bees or even storks carrying babies in their beaks, but I’ll let the child in question watch Cesarean section being performed instead. That ought to shut them up til they are old enough to understand what sex is all about and how babies are made. My dad did that to me when I was 5. And I was horrified enough to never ask him again about it ever again. After that I discovered the wonderful world of Harlequin and Mills and Boon it explained sex and intimacies to me when I was 12. Nature takes it’s course, I supposed.

I’ll never be a perfect and wonderful mother who lock their children’s mind and body in an invincible tower like what the evil witch did to Rapunzel. Or keep what could harm their body and mind away from them like what Sleeping Beauty mum and dad did just because I thought the world is a bad place or a spinning wheel could prick the child to death. Children needs to be exposed or told what’s dangerous for them so that they could learn how to handle certain issues properly. Children needs to see that the world is not a perfect place where everything would go their ways. If a child I kept in his own sweet little world where everything is perfectly prepared for them, how could they know, that the world is a nasty place? Gosh, maybe I’m wrong. I didn;t protect my child like typical mothers did. Perhaps I should just lock up my brat in some stupid tower and wait for some ding-a-ling smoochey smoochey princess to save him and free him from the tower so that I could be the goodie goodie and the in and popular mum? *snort* Nah, maybe not. That’s not me. Not hypocrite enough to pretend that I’m such an angel when I’m not.

I’m also, a badass of a mum. When I still had all the time in the world back then, I used to bring my brat to the orphanage back where they also cater all sort of children from all sort of background, just so that I could let my brat see how fortunate he is to have meals on his table and a roof over his head. I showed him reality, and taught him not to scorn those who were not as blessed as he is.

I taught him not to discriminate those who are less fortunate than him. Oh yes. I am a bad mum, cuz I let him mingle with ‘troubled’ children. And yeah, not to mention the gross thing I did to my brat when he was disgusted with disabled children with no leg. I told him, God could easily take his legs away from him, and instead of shying away from people who are less fortunate, he ought to learn to treasure what he have and use his legs for good before God decided that he is unfit for it and take it away from him.

Oh, yes… I’ll never be the Mother of the Year material. I am not designed for that. But for what it’s worth, I think I’m somewhat an OK teacher. I’m not hypocrite enough to adopt that as a profession and yet scorned the children for not being a perfect being. I just accept them for who they are, and what they are not though sometimes, I can be such a harsh task master.

Cleffairy: I am evil. Who in the Hell told you that I am sweet and kind? They are sorely mistaken. By the time I turn good, that would mean the world has come to an end. And by the way, only with darkness… lights will shine.

37 comments

    • Cleffairy says:

      Woi, woman… lol… you comment at 2am++ write my name oso wrong. You sleepy liao. LOL… go masuk tido la… aiyohhh… ur not a vampire or pontianak. *pengsan*. Stay up til so late, will merapu. Hahahahaha… aiyo, Ling, go sleep. Why aren’t you asleep yet?

      LOL…dono, that, have to ask them My hubby… I tink he dun tink me as a good mum lah. I where got good enuff leh? There’s so many other better mothers in his life worr. I’m nothing. LOL… I can only be a good sister only. Fight with the anak all the time. πŸ˜›

      Happy Mother’s Day to you too. I saw your lil girl’s heart. She’s just so sweet. Next time I oso wanna have a dotter. Dowan son liao. Kacau onli, kenot play dress up oso. πŸ˜€

        • Cleffairy says:

          I oso dono she become hantu. Suddenly, after post this entry, she suddenly appear and adress me as Claire. Must be damn mengantuk d liao. LOL…

          • Mommy Ling says:

            Jor….malu la…i really mabuk edy..spell the wrong name. Yea, that day i also dono why i stayed till so long..probaly something was distracting my mind..after commenting ur post i terus pengsan edy..Sorry,ya!! Actually i always keep typing u both Cleff n Claire mistakenly..heheheh

            Yea..no regret of getting 2 gals. In case one day the man dowan the woman, i still have the gals with me..hope so..hahha.

            hahah..fight with anak all de time is also a great bonding time with him. U know what, giving a birth to a new life is always the greatest thing a mom did for the hub. U think all man can give birth ar…i m talking normal man..LOL!!!

  1. kelvin says:

    I will do ur way if i have a boy next time, i can’t bear to treat my daughter like this XD

    Happy MotherÒ€ℒs Day πŸ™‚

    • Cleffairy says:

      Nah, daughters are different. You scold them a lil bit and they’ll cry their heads off. Boys are much more stubborn, hence have to use the harder way to raise them. I suspect if I were to have a daughter, she’d be spoiled rotten. πŸ™

  2. Caroline says:

    i think u’re true also la, see how i am now? my parents being so protective on me and me end up learn nothing. =.= sex? i only know is theoretically , from biology science subject when am in secondary school. my frens called me innocent for not knowing bout the “real” process even when am 17 and dey too dnt bother to tell me as dey noe am not exposed to those stuffs. lol! my body weak and parents tot i cant do much on everything and restricted my freedom and abilities. maybe i shud be happy for having such protective parents yet am not really happy for it especially when am at this age. πŸ™ people tot am like kind of sweet princess in the family whereby am not.

    • Cleffairy says:

      I think, being overprotective is not good for a child. Wait later he thought everything is damn perfect and den he’s not independent when he grows up. πŸ™ Liddat damn susah, you know? I’m not going to live forever to take care of him or be around him 24/7. He have to learn to look after himself and do things for himself, and also, learn to make his own decisions if he have a choice.

  3. manglish says:

    hahhahaahh no lar u not evil….just very evil nia hahaa ok kidding aside, i think everyone has their ideas of how their own children should be brought up..you should see my mum, if it were to happen now, someone would have dialed 999 a long time ago

    • Cleffairy says:

      LOL… why? Your mum belasah you ah? Eh, actually I think, that is padan muka. You must be damn nottie when you’re a kid. LOL…

  4. suituapui says:

    I’m not going to preach but I do believe there must be a balance. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind…and to love does not eguate to spoil. Yours is a special case, you have a greater, more challenging responsibility, possibly even a life-long commitment. As you sow, so shall you reap…and anyone can see that you are trying to cope the best you can. For all it’s worth, here’s wishing you…a Happy Mother’s Day.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Well… everyone has been kind to him and treating him like an invalid. So I think he doesn’t need that from me. That is why I’m strict with my boy. He needs someone to not overprotect him and tell him to do things on his own. Thanks for the mum’s day greeting. πŸ˜€

  5. Irene says:

    well. no one is perfect. u have yr own way of raining your kid. i was normal when i read yr post about how u raise yr kid & stuf like tat. why i was feeling normal? cus im like tat too! wakakakkakakaka! sometimes. i feel like i kinda “torture” her. sigh. tat doesnt mean we are bad moms rite? rite? rite? haha!

    HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY fairy!

    • Cleffairy says:

      Hahahaha…eh, not bad lah. Just evil. LOL… But I suppose, by doing what we’re doing now, the kids will thank us some day. They will know that it’s for their own good. πŸ˜€

      Happy mum’s day, Irene. πŸ˜€

  6. fatty oldman says:

    good or bad mother still a mother…u wan ur child be independent n no wrong of that… πŸ˜‰

    • Cleffairy says:

      Of course wants him to be independent and street wise. I mean, I wun live forever to take care of him. He needs to know about the world. πŸ™ But not many mothers would agree with that, of course. They’ll call you bad because you refuse to spoil your kid. πŸ™

  7. kathy says:

    True what STP had said. Good to expose your kid to more things. You really have challenging days ahead. No matter what, do remember God know you are up to the challenge. That’s why He give you this special gift. He know that you can cope with His gift to you.

    Keep a smile in your life and may the papadums keep flying :p

    • Cleffairy says:

      Humph, I bet papadums will keep flying. I mean, he’s an Alien wud. Aliens always have flying saucers… in my case, it’s papadums. LOL…

      Well, I believe God knows what he’s doing, and he have a great plan for both of us. I just have to… umm… endure it before knowing what it is. LOL…

  8. claire says:

    oooh… Cleff.. see what u have done to mommyling? staying up middle of the night and calling my name instead of yours.. gosh!!! wonder what happens next! lol… i was shocked for awhile to see my name there..
    Cleff oh cleff, when i read this article, i felt guilty.. yes, i m the guilty one too.. im not the 24/7 mum… i let my kids grow up most of the time by themselves while i was out working during the day and moonlighting at night! hahaha..ok ok, moonlighting is the exaggerated part. At night, i was so exhausted that i dint read them bedtime stories or asked what happened in school.. etc etc.. so much so, nowadays, my girl doesnt talk much, not the talkative type, quiet but i understand her cos she has my husband’s genes… quiet quiet and then BANG!! u get it!
    if i were to write my weaknesses, i think i scare people away… so i just rec all the compliments and deep inside my heart, there is some words haunting me.. like “‘I KNOW WHAT U DID LAST….(not summer) LAST NUMBER OF YEARS!!!”
    Anyway, who cares… what i did and what i didnt do, all is past. Now look forward and do what I do.. enjoy doing.. after all, no one is a perfect mum.. u learn, i learn…

    HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO US!!!

    • Cleffairy says:

      Poor Ling must be so tired lah, Claire, hence, the mistaken identity. Poor thing. Must be overworked. She must have stayed up late to unwind by browsing and blog hopping πŸ™ Kesian her.

      I think, each and every one of us is guilty lah. πŸ™ I mean, nobody is perfect. We are human, not God, rite? I am not the kind who will pretend and tell the world that I am a perfect mum, because the fact is, I am not. I know I am not. I have a lot of flaws, and I have a lot to learn. I guess I never will be a good mum like everyone else, but for what it’s worth, I hope I can be a good teacher. That would have been enough for me… to teach the kids on how to survive the world. You see, i wun be around all the time to protect the kids. I’ve always felt that life is a fickle thing, and can be taken away from us any time. I am young does not mean I will not die early. Growing up a sickly child and last year’s incident taught me that.

      Don’t feel bad, Claire. You are not the only one who felt that way. I felt that way too. I think only hypocrites will tell the world that they’re the best mum in the world.

      I salute you, Claire. You raised your boys and girl single-handedly, and that alone makes you a great mum, despite what’s haunting you.

      Happy mother’s day to you, Claire.

  9. Gratitude says:

    Now now you sldnt dare call yourself a lesser mom, coz it really depends on the individual perspective on the matter which makes it subjective. I think it’ll be easier to define a bad mom instead. Juggling the many responsibilities in life nowadays makes motherhood a challenging “job”.

    Happy Mothers Day, I’m sure you deserve the respect that all good mothers deserve. ^_^
    +Ant+

    • Cleffairy says:

      LOL… motherhood is a challenging job to take on. We dun get regular off days or MC or even annual leave. Shucks, and we’re stuck with it. πŸ˜›

  10. fatty oldman says:

    fuck those thinking as my kids who r u judge me hw i raise..tat u should told them… πŸ˜‰

    • Cleffairy says:

      You wouldn’t wanna fuck those old, nosy housewives who got nothing better to do than criticism others when they themselves is not a Saint either. LOL…

  11. shakira says:

    Happy Mother’s Day,my friend!
    You look BEAUTIFUL, then and NOW!
    You are such a wonderful friend and MOTHER!
    May this Mother’s Day be one of the best with more to come in years!
    YOU ROCK, MOMMY!
    hugs
    shakira

  12. Bananaz says:

    You are a mum with an iron fist but a heart of gold, like the jelly bean ~ hard from the outside soft in the middle. Different strokes for different folks and I think you’ve got your own unique way of cultivating your boy to be independent ~ *berdirikari* and that’s cool. tQ

    • Cleffairy says:

      LOL… I prefer to be the jellybean.Hahaha… *sigh* Children need to be taught to be independent. I mean, I wun be around him forever to protect him. He need to learn to do things himself, and also, learn to be a good being who doesn’t discriminate.

  13. jen says:

    you’re not an evil. each mother has her own way to teach/guide/deal/care for her children. i believe you’re a good one πŸ™‚ happy mother’s day!

  14. Cheeyee says:

    Cleff

    Despite you said that you don’t love your son, but actually you love him so much that whatever you do is for the best of him. Others only see the “now” and overlook the future but not you. Keep up your good work. I like what you said about “judge me 15 years later” thing. πŸ˜€

    Happy Belated Mother’s Day to you!

  15. mnhl says:

    Every parenting methods are different and special in a way. But with one condition, to love and nuture their child. You are not evil la. Good to teach your son to be independent from young.

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