No cure…

It was 3rd day of Chinese new year. My family and I are supposed to head back to KL, but because my husband needs to meet his friend who came from KL back in his hometown, we had to postpone our journey back to KL a little bit. Oh well, not much I can do there.

My husband asked me if I wanted to follow him to meet this friend. Gee…isn’t that nice and thoughtful of him? But then again, once bitten twice shy. I don’t exactly agree with people who is cocky and have the ego that can compete with the Everest. I also do not sit well with the idea that this feller had somehow accused my son for being a rude little bastard for not having eye contact with him when he spoke to my son.

So, I did not follow him to meet his friend. Instead, I ended up going to McD playland with my boy for a couple of hours while my husband went to have a drink or two with his friend somewhere else in town.

Waiting for a couple of hours in McD playland may not be so appealing to others, but I wasn’t not sure if I can be civil and polite if I were to sit at the same table with my husband’s friend.

You see, I can still recall that this feller told my husband that the boy ought to be slapped for not having eye contact with people  when he is spoken to not long ago.

Imagine that. This feller barely knew me. I bet he did not even know my name (he didn’t bother asking my name, and my husband does not exactly make a habit of introducing me to his friends either), and yet…he made loads of remarks as if he had known me and my son for ages.

Just because you’re older, buster, that does not mean I will think you’re right and smarter than me or anyone else in the world for that matter. In fact, I don’t exactly respect elders unless they really deserves to be respected either. For some, respect must be earned, not just given.

I think, the man did not know that I actually understood the language that he spoke to my husband and a group of young lads who are still unmarried. Good Lord… just because I do not speak any Chinese dialect it does not mean that I don’t understand what people are saying.

You see… my son is not your regular kid. He’s an ADHD child with mild Asperger. Which means… eye contact when strangers speak to him is absolutely out of question. That does not make him rude or dumb.

It merely means that he is listening without looking at you. This does not mean he is a good for nothing or a retard either. My boy may lack social skills, but if you see him play piano, you would be really amazed. He could play by hearing. One skill I think not many posses. (Yours truly included… she’s musically illiterate)

Ask any medical practitioners and they would tell you the same thing. Such children do not make eye contact when they’re spoken to unless they are really familiar with the one who are speaking to them.

What the hell is wrong with all these people? They accuse people’s kid for being rude and yet they don’t exactly demonstrate absolute politeness either. If they are polite, would they make nasty remarks even when my husband and I was there and behaved as if they know all? Civilized people too, do not just let their wives picks up after their mess while they yak and yak with their friends merrily after binging at their kid’s birthday party either.*insert expletive of choice*

Anyway, I did my part and inform this feller that my son is a special child and has ADHD and why he behaves the way he did, and why he will not make eye contact with people when he’s spoken to.

My husband may feel uncomfortable explaining to all of  his friends about the boy’s condition, but I’m not exactly a patient person who feel ashamed of they boy’s condition. He’s born that way and therefore, I don’t see any harm in letting people know about it. And if people can’t accept him the way he is, then I too, cannot accept such  people, and I think I am better off without their existence in my life. They boy and I are one package. If you can’t accept either one, you can go to hell.

I feel offended when people implied openly that my husband and I failed to make the boy communicate properly with others with eye contact, especially after I explained the whole story to them.  Who are you to imply such a thing when you are not quite a parent yourself? Do you have any kids that’s my son’s age? Did you take care of your kids yourself or you just sub the job to other-say, your in laws, babysitters, nannies? Did you or did you not participate in parenting or just let your wife do all the dirty work?

I’m a fighter, always have been, and if you insult me or any member of my family, don’t you dare expect me to sit there and smile and say nothing. I’m not a timid mouse who will not speak for myself, or for my family if the situation calls for it.

Anyway, in the end, my attempt to educate ignorant people has gone awry, as the group of gossiping men seems to think that the boy behaves that way because of my poor parenting skill even after extensive explaining on my part. *snort* Fine, then. I hope they somehow ended up with a special child or two too. Perhaps then they would understand what I was talking about.

My son’s social skill is horrible, that is a fact. But I think mine is much more worst than his, for I’m allergic to cocky, boastful and ignorant people who does not listen to what others have to say. So yea… even if they are my husband’s acquaintance… I’m gonna avoid them like a plague.

Cleffairy: It takes a lot to finally believe that not everything is my fault though a lot of people in my life attempts to make me feel that way. It takes a lot  of encouragement and assurance from Mamarazzi, Claire, Ling, Cyn and STP’s to make me feel that it is okay that I have a special child. They made me believe that God gave him to me because He knows that I am capable of handling such a child.  How in the world I can thank them for all these kind assurance, is beyond me for not everyone is like them. I thank God everyday for having them in my life, for they may not realize it, but they did make a lot of difference in my life, and also my son’s life.

17 comments

  1. suituapui says:

    I don’t understand why your hubby would stick to a friend like that over his own wife and son…and why should he be feeling this way: “My husband may feel uncomfortable explaining to all of his friends about the boy’s condition…”?

    ADHD is very common these days…as well as many other conditions that special children may be inflicted with. I’ve seen mums having to put up with situations a LOT worse than yours but they manage…and people should not make it more difficult that what it already is. Whatever it maybe, aren’t they one’s own children, one’s flesh and blood? It is God’s will, nothing to be ashamed about and people should be sympathetic and understanding – many, I know, would.

    • Cleffairy says:

      *shrugs* My rarely see my husband forewarned his friends about the boy before meeting beforehand the way I do. I warn all of my friends before meeting them. Let them know what to expect. I told them if it’s okay with them and they do not mind, den I wouldn’t mind meeting them. Otherwise, don’t bother.

      I guess he’s just so different from me and I assume his friends are mostly unmarried, and explaining to them would be a lost cause, cuz they would not understand such predicament.

      *sigh* I guess… it takes a lot of people to make the world…thank God that MY friends are not those kind of creeps who irked me with insensitive or rude remarks.

    • kathy says:

      Some even worse. Would simply classify the kid as retards and avoid socialising with the kids like the kid is a plague. I saw before.

      Cikgu, if all people understanding like you then the world would be more peaceful lo.

      This Cleff really terrer. Gotta juggle so many things in life. I dont think I will have her will power.

      Cleff, giving you words of encouragement is easy.I can praise you up to the sky but it’s you who have to do all the work. Take care. Dont go gila yet.

      • Cleffairy says:

        Yes, very true, Kat. Alot will make snideful remarks about such children, and also will stereotyped them as a retard, and yes, avoid them like a plague. I’m tired of these kind of people liao… that’s why now, before I meet anyone new and whatnot, I’ll make sure they understand first… if they cannot accept and afraid that the boy is a bad influence to their kid or wud… I just won’t meet them… that’s all. No point wan wud…sakit hati only.

  2. Christopher says:

    Some folks just like to made remarks without understanding the situation and insensitive towards others. I called this bad manners and rude. They are everywhere.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Well… I guess for some it’s forgivable… after all… they did not have the privilege of having their parents’ attention when they were children, I guess… hence… bad manners, etc.

  3. goldflower86 says:

    tsk3,i feel like kicking your hubby’s friend. oh well, your hubby should defend both of you. never ever blame yourself. your son is lucky to have you as his mother.:)
    take care

    • Cleffairy says:

      Not worth kicking such feller… dirty ur shoes only. My hubby is the polite and well mannered, will not fuck off the friend punya. While me on the other hand… cari pasal wif me or the rest of my family… kik sei me… u cari mati la!

    • Cleffairy says:

      Isn’t it great that God is specialized in ‘custom made’ business? LOL! Every time I feel so out of place… I remind myself of this… hahaha… God is in custom made business…so He will take care of eveyone in His way, even if we’re awkward and different.

  4. Gratitude says:

    Your hubby seems to be an awfully wonderful forgiving person. Same as you, I’m very protective when it comes to my loved-ones. You did the correct thing to avoid the person. Please try not to let the person harm your emotions too much. People come in all shapes and sizes (brain size i meant! wakakaka) and one of my resolutions for 2011 is to just avoid them at all cost.

    So stay sweet ya Fairy. Life is too short to waste our precious time with people like them. I’d rather allocate time to people with special needs eg orphans and old folks. The 2 hours at McD with the lil’ one was precious and wonderful time spent. 😉
    +Ant+

    • Cleffairy says:

      My husband is one sweet and mild mannered feller. He would not fuck off his friends and whatnot, while me, on the other hand, can be likened to a tigress. I hate to be provoked and I definitely hate it when people insult me or my son with their words.

      Actually, it’s been years since I deal with these sort of people… I’m used to people asking me why my son is still not communicating properly… good Lord, he have speech delay, that is why, and yet people can’t seems to understand that. Irked me to no end…

      I’ve been facing people’s question, suggestive remarks, etc, but the recent encounter really pissed me off… that’s one of the worst one ever! Imagine standing in a group of people… and this feller said out loud that the boy ought to be slapped for not having eye contact while he’s spoken to. *SIGH* I don’t know how many times I need to repeat that the boy did not do it on purpose. He really could not pay attention…and unless he’s very close to the one speaking to him, he would not make eye contact. Grrr…some people ought to educate themselves on these stuff… really!

      LOL… actually it was 3hr++ at the playland…and truth be told, I was much more comfortable there… at least the kids there does not discriminate or throw rude remarks at me or my son as if I was not there. See… even kids have better manners than some adults. Yes… I had fun. I enjoyed playland more than other things that day. And the boy had fun too…

  5. Jeremin says:

    Im totally piss with yr hubby’s friend. Wish i can give him a big tight slap.

    I was exposed with ADHD until last year during my teaching. These special kids need special attentions and it is impossible to compare with regular kids. It is good to pre-warn yr friends before meeting. At least it will not mess up the situation like this case. I knew some cases that parents refused to tell or accept their kids are different from others.

    Being a teacher for ADHD kids is hard and I felt that as the parents of them ever harder. *hugs*

    • Cleffairy says:

      Jeremin, not worth slapping these sort of people. It’s a waste of time.

      Oh, you’ve been exposed to such children too? Wow… I’m sure that was a challenge for you too. Yes… these kids needs different kind of attention in comparison to regular children. There’s different ways to handle them. Alot of people…are not familiar with these kind of children, and more often than not… their lack of eye contact, hyperactivity, poor attention, refusal to engage with other children as well as poor communication skills are always associated with poor parenting background. Not many know that this is not true. We parents to such children did many things we can to improvise the children’s condition, but it really, really takes a lot of time.

      I feel very, very frustrated and tired of things too, sometimes… especially when I get blamed for everything… accused for tonnes of things that is not even my fault…

      I used to keep quiet about the boy’s condition… I did not tell people why he’s that way…and people keep accuse me of being a bad parent who did not teach her kid any manners or socializing skills… but I’m tired of keeping quiet. Because… it is not my fault and… keeping quiet and not informing people what to expect does not help either.

      That is why before I meet anyone… I would inform them about his condition beforehand…so that they won’t get any ‘culture shock’ and I can avoid the emotional distress of having to absorb the bloody ‘you don’t know how to teach your kid’ or ‘you failed as a parent’ kinda remarks.

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