It’s teatime a.k.a gossip time in the office, and I found myself engaging in a very funny conversation with one of my colleague yesterday. She’s just married, and is actually looking forward to a few years of honeymooning marriage with her husband, but God seems to plan otherwise. I was drinking tea as she approached me with a flushed face, looking slightly pissed at something, and so I smiled at her as she sat down on the chair in front of my table and asked her what happened. The office was kinda deserted at that moment because the rest is doing fieldwork, leaving only a few of us in the office. Hence, leg shaking break takes place and gossip as well as empty chit chats stinks the air.
Pardon the language in this retelling of the conversation. Any kids who accidentally stumbled upon this article, kindly navigate away or read at your own risk.
Me: Wassup? Why you look as if you want to beat a crap out of someone? That bitch is asking for those articles again?
Ling Shan: Humph…you ask me wassup? I’m pissed.
Me: I know la, you’re pissed, it’s written on your face, duh. So, wassup?
Ling Shan: It’s not safe la! I’m so pissed la, woman!
Me: What’s not safe? The cleaner left the toilet slippery again?
Ling Shan: Playsafe lorr, it’s not safe.
Me: What playsafe?
Ling Shan: The condom la, woman, it’s not safe…God, Playsafe also you dunno what it is?
Me: Ohh, the condom. Say la condom, how I know you’re talking about condom. Geez!
Ling Shan: You’re so blur sotong lah, kawan. That condom brand so famous also you dunno!
Me: How I know, I thought Durex more famous what. I always see Durex only…Watson there always have sale on Durex, so cheap, and got many type summore…ribbed la, tingling la, featherlite la… got some can vibrate and need battery to operate summore…
Ling Shan: No la, Playsafe can easily get from 7-Eleven. I never use Durex, too lazy to visit Watson.
Me: Okay, what about Playsafe not being safe then.
Ling Shan then took something from her pocket, apparently a white coloured stick with blue lines on it. Apparently, it’s a pregnancy tester. I took it from her as I examined the little stick and choked on my tea as I tried to come out with intelligible words. The stick has two clear blue lines on it, which can only mean one thing…
Me: OH MY GOD! SHAN, YOU’RE PREGNANT!
Ling Shan: Oi! Shhhh…you want the whole world to know issit? Yalah, I’m pregnant la. I’m late, so I bought this during lunch to test.
Me: Oh my god, congratulations, you’re going to have a baby!
Ling Shan: Dammit lorr, I don’t want a baby yet… not so fast, I still want to enjoy with my husband…but what to do, that Playsafe condom broke…stupid bloody condom.
Me: Huh? That playsafe condom broke? Oh my god, Shan… your husband so…power, like Hulk! Condom also can break!
Ling Shan: Shaddup you! Must be the condom have no quality control. Or defect. Bloody hell, now I’m going to be a mom!
Me: Good la, when are you telling him? I know he’s dying for a baby.
Ling Shan: Humph! I called him when I found out, he’s bringing me to see a doctor tonight, just to confirm. That feller must be hitting the wall right now, he always begged me for one, now he gets one. It’s not fair la…it’s still early.
Me: Well, at least you can look forward to one thing…
Ling Shan: What? Changing a brat’s diapers with full of stinking poop or wailings at night?
Me: Of course not! UNPROTECTED wild sex during the rest of pregnancy. That will be more fun, isn’t it?
Ling Shan: Woman!
Ling Shan: You’re incorrigible!
And that’s all about it. Lesson we can learn from this conversation? If you don’t want to get your wife pregnant, use Durex. Durex is known to be more ‘durable’. But if you want to trick your wife to get pregnant for you, use Playsafe.
Guys, take a look at the Durex condoms up there, it’s so colourful, so cute…I wonder if they can glow in the dark too. That would be kinky, wouldn’t it? Curious about their products? Check out their site…
Below is Durex Easy On Commercial…It’s easy to put on so there’s no reason for you guys not to use a condom during sexual intercourse.
Cleffairy: Practice safe sex and family planning, people. Use the condom correctly so that you and your partner will be protected. Use a condom each and every time should the need for it arise, unless you’re trying for a baby, of course. And lastly, Shan Shan, congratulations on your pregnancy. You and your family will be in my prayers. I know you’re thrilled about the baby too, though it’s unplanned. We’ll shop for baby’s stuff next time, okay?