It’s been months…months since I had recurring nightmares. It faded for a while, but the peacefulness of the night sleep that I’ve been getting for a week or two did not last, and I keep getting nightmares again, and this explains why I’m awake at 3:53am Malaysian time, sitting in front of the PC, trying to forget the vivid dreams that’s been visiting me. It’s the same old dreams, and though it is not that scary anymore, it still disturbs me greatly.
It seems that the ‘Evil One’ refused to let me have peace, even when I’m asleep. I am not quite sure why I’ve been getting those horrid nightmares over and over again. It seems that ‘someone’ is trying to send me a message and is unhappy when I am at peace with myself and feeling contented.
But God is with me…I have faith that he will protect me from the ‘Evil One’. These days, when I woke up, feeling agitated because of those dreams where my loved ones betrayed me, I prayed, and prayed hard, though it did not help me to sleep, but it helped to calm me and made me see, that those horrid nightmares actually had a theme, which is ‘it’ wants me to give up what I have now instead of persevere.
Well, though the whole world might be against me, He will always be with me, and that will remain unchanged until the end of time. Am I not blessed… to be able to realize His eternal love for me when I am still young? Things could be worst, and I could have ended up like those people who decided to shut Him out of their life.
Ladies and gentlemen, you may not understand my ramblings, but it is all right. I am here not to ramble much. I am here just to share a little something… something for you to ponder on.
I asked God to take away my bad habits.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;it isn’t granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I finally understood, that when God says no to me each time I asked Him something, it is not because He doesn’t care for me, but it is because he is smarter, and definitely knows better. After all, I am just human, and God works in mysterious ways.
I have learned how to be more at peace with myself, and my journey is still very long. While some pray for my safety and happiness, there are some others who wants me out of the picture, and tries very hard to ruin my happiness. I am completely aware of that, and I want to say here that I know about all of your evil intentions, for you couldn’t be more obvious. It doesn’t matter what you do, I no longer fear you, for God is with me, and I’ll have you know that I have a hurricane in me that will destroy you if you dare to harm what I’ve fought so hard to protect.
One could work with the demons and sell their soul to the devil just because they want others to suffer, but by the end of the day, God will give me justice, and he shall protect me, in his own ways.
Cleffairy: God is my strength, my eternal guiding light. He stands with in the sunshine, and calms me through the stormy nights.