Do we really know men better?

I used to think that a woman, especially a wife, knows her man better than anyone else in the world. But I’ve come to realization that this sort of thinking is actually very shallow. We women actually do not know our men better. We are actually clueless on what’s going on in a man’s head, and a man’s bodily reaction. Just like men are clueless on what’s going on in women’s head, and her bodily reactions.

Why do I say this? Well, I stumbled upon a few ‘interesting’ male blog, that taught me a lot about men. And if I’m honest to myself, these men taught me more about men than anybody else could.

These men, rendered me speechless with their articles and opinions about men, relationships, and sexuality. These men, are good… really, really good, but I’m not sure if I should put the link of their blog here, or even add them in my blogroll, as these men, are actually homosexual. I’m not sure if they wanted to be exposed, and I better be safe than sorry.

I should respect their privacy rather than mentioning their blog link over here. Even if I did put their link in my blogroll, it would strictly be invisible to others, as unless permission is granted, I would want them to remain ‘protected’. All because I respect their privacy and would not want people who do not share the same sentiment with them to go there and condemn their ways of life.

Let me be frank here. 3 years back, when I was fighting off my depression by immersing myself in online gaming, I came to know a friend, who became homosexual, or accurately speaking, bisexual after he got married to his wife.

As time goes by, and we played together in the game more and more often, I became rather close to him, and soon, he became my godbrother and he exposed to me about himself more than before. I was aghast to to hear him confess to me that he’s actually a homosexual. I was rather… naive back then. I couldn’t understand why a man could choose to be a gay after marrying a woman. I accused him of so many things. Heartless and cruel is one of it.

Don’t get me wrong. Some of you might think that he and his wife are having a problematic marriage. That’s not a fact, though. My godbrother told me that his wife is an absolute angel, and has done him no wrong. She’s the kind of wife any man could ask for. Good in bed, excellent cook and a doting mother. He mentioned to me that his wife does not know of his sexual preference. He said, he doesn’t have what it takes to break his wife’s heart who loved him with all of her heart and soul. And when asked about his sexual relations with his wife, he told me that he just have sex with her out of responsibility. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.

He mentioned that he’s happily married with his wife and kids, and yet, there’s a void in his heart that not even his wife could fill. He had mentioned to me before that while his wife is the perfect wife who love him and care for him, she couldn’t really understand his sexual needs and his feelings. I wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, though, but he told me that sometimes, women just don’t understand men. I could only pray and hope that his wife would never find out, because I know, as no wife could take it if their husband turned gay after marrying them. It hurt our womanly ego, seriously.Having our husband turning gays after marrying us is probably as horrible as catching our husband fucking their own mother on the bed that we shared together.

Personally, I think I could comprehend it somehow if my husband finds other woman. It might mean that I am not good enough or the bitch in question is better at seducing my husband. But if my husband turns gay after marrying me, what does that make me? I don’t think I can understand that. I might even think that I am not good enough as a woman that drives him to turn gay after marriage.

Anyway, I always begged my godbrother to repent. I may not be religious, but I am rather God fearing. I always tells him not to continue his ways, as I think, God will punish him for having affair with another man.

I said many nasty things to my godbrother back then, but he was rather fond of me. He never once lashed at me for hurting his feelings by not being supportive of his sexual preference. Instead of getting mad at me for saying nasty things to him, my godbrother actually teased me that I could never understand how he feels as I am not exposed to the world of homosexuality. He told me that a woman who married her first love won’t really understand the world of gay-ism and lesbianism. (That’s me, I married my first love).

He asked me a few questions that made me completely speechless back then. These are some of his question:

“Mei, have you ever feel that your husband couldn’t understand how you feel at times and it frustrate you?”

“Mei Mei, have you ever feel frustrated that your husband  could not satisfy you sexually, and you resent the fact that sometimes, he’s just so selfish in bed? You got so fed up that he just sleeps off after getting what he wants from you, and you silently wish that someone would bother to initiate afterplay after having sex with you?”

“Mei, have you ever feel empty when your husband did not really bother to listen to you? Instead, he brushes you off, and you wish that someone could really sit and listen to your problems instead. You wish for someone who would just listen, not tell you off or even suggest you the solutions to your problems.”

I was stunned with his question. He probably knew that if I’m honest to myself, the answers to the questions would be yes. And so, he proceeds by telling me that sometimes, it’s not just because you’re sexually attracted to your own sex that it caused you to become homosexual.

Sometimes, it is the void that your spouse could not fill that cause you to have such tendency towards homosexuality. Because for what it’s worth, people of your own sex tends to understand your emotional needs better than people from the opposite sex. They too, knows about your sexual reactions better than the opposite sex, because they are same species as you. They know where to touch, where to hold, where to caress to inspire sexual satisfaction from you, as their body works the same way too. When I think about homosexuality that way, I seriously think I need to apologize to my godbrother. Who am I to judge, anyway?I’m not an angel. I should not judge people’s personal life and sexual preference.

My godbrother rather have a man in his bed rather than his wife not because he doesn’t love her, but because he felt incomplete. He said, a lot of men are like that, but not many chooses his way of life. And he told me not to be afraid about it either, as not everyone are like that. Not everyone have such tendency after getting married.

I find his assurance is true, as I know of a girl who is a lesbian and has been living with with her lesbian partner for almost 6 years now. She was never married before. I could have accuse her for being that way as she was hurt badly by men and got sick of men that it made her a lesbian, but that was not it either. She told me that she just like woman, and men doesn’t held any appeal to her.

Truth be told, sometimes, I find men who are homosexual very attractive. They not only understand men better, but they understand women better too!

Bottomline is, I may not understand why some people choose to be homosexual, because I’m straight, but I guess, when it comes to love, it does not discriminate on your race, your age or even your gender. Who can explain love, anyway? I know I can’t explain love. I am still learning how to really love and understand the mystery of it. But if you can explain to me about homosexuality and love, I would really appreciate it. I would like to understand. It’s all right if you want to protect your identity by leaving anonymous comment. Just help me understand. I want to understand.

Cleffairy: Make love, and not war, let’s have more peace on Earth.


  1. eugene says:

    I once having a drink with my two friends,(one married woman friend, and one gay friend)i still remember this this outing very cleary because of one thing that my fay friend said. and he said this to the married lady friend of ours.

    Jokingly he said,” Jocye, dont ever let me come on to your husband, i can guarantee you this, if i were to make love with your man, i tell you he will be addicted to me” and i remember naively i asked my gay friend.” how can you be so sure, eric?” and his answer stunned, ” sometime if not most of the times, man understands man better than woman to the man, we know which spot to get them turn on, which part to make them shout and moan in ecstasy.”

    And Mei,( now only i know you are called that) your god brother is right, but at the sametimes, i think he is wrong as well.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Oh… my godbrother called me Mei cuz I’m his godsister ma. LOL… Mei is not my name. LOL…if people were to call me by my Chinese name, it would be QiQi…short form of Yong Qi.

      Now, back to the topic…I think… if women make effort to understand her man… she could make her man moan and groan in passion too. 😛

  2. donna says:

    sorry but ewww..
    I can accept my partner leave me because of another woman (kidding, I cannot also), but cheating on me for another “GUY”.
    OMG…I would say that is the biggest humilation for most women lor.. from the guy’s point of view is because woman cannot fully understand/fulfil his needs bla bla, but still.. that doesn’t mean he can cheat on his wife ok!
    Good luck to him.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Ahahahaha *high 5*, Donna! I oso cannot! Cheat on me? Over his mum’s dead body! (Dowan say my own dead body, cuz damn sway!)

      But hey, I dun think men can accept such thing either…. imagine them catching us woman having sex with another woman? Definitely would kill their ego too, rite?

      You’re tokking bout my godbrother? Yalorr… goodluck to him lorrr… aihh… kesian his wife. He told me his wife is an angel lerr… he dun deserve her… but he can’t restrain from liking men either. 🙁

  3. suituapui says:

    They don’t…they can’t! They have fixed ideas about what they want in men. They just learn to live with them – the way they are…as long as they can stand it or because of “other reasons”. Only the naive ones want to change them the way they want…just to be disappointed in the end.

  4. Christopher says:

    I read one Mars and Venus book when I was sill single and trying to understand ladies so that I have a better chance of landing a wife..LOL. And, instead of the direct skills of dating, it actually open up my knowledge of understanding the opposite sex. Thus, my take is, both sides should try to contd to learn abt each other needs and their different behaviour.

  5. June says:

    I would say this is depending on characteristic of ur partner. If they are truly understanding and kind, normal love could be just as satisfying.

    If they are a selfish B* (apply to both sex), then doesn’t matter who they choose to be with, same sex of different sex or multiple sex -.-“, the result is stil the same.

    Regarding homosexuality, I guess it’s a matter of self preference. Maybe they are more comfortable in both emotion & physically with the same kind?

    • Cleffairy says:

      ‘love is patient and kind’ but not everyone is patient and kind. And therefore, selfish Bs exists. LOL…

      I have no idea too about homosexuality….but my take is that love does not discriminate. LOL…

  6. Garfield says:

    Here is a story I watch from the road side. Damn funny!

    One day, when I was on my way going back home. That road I use for go home, usually at that hour shouldn’t be so jam already. But that day is damn fucking jam. Traffic moved slowly.

    And when reach until the part where caused the jam, I found that 1 MAS air stewardess and a guys is quarreling, they are malay couple. Oh, so thats the reason of traffic jam. Coz everyone stop their car and watch the show.

    For me, what should I do? No point stay in the car as the road is so jam, so I did the same with other ppl, stop the car at road side and go and watch the show, hahhaha.

    From that air stewardess and that guy’s conversation, I found that the air stewardess saying that she wanted to leave him and go back to her mother’s house. And that guy is trying to calm her down and ask her to go home with him.

    So i asked those people who are already watched the show since the beginning what actually happened to them. Those who just reach there also asking the same thing.

    Suddenly, one of the audience say “Takdelah, itu hal orang lain, baik jangan sibuk…. kau orang tau tak, laki ni kongkek dengan orang lain mase awek ni pergi kerja oh. laki ni kongkek sama seorang pondan atas katil dia org oh!!!!

    then everyone laught like hell. that guy then feel very sia sui and ask that girl to go home with him, saying that if want to fight, fight at home, dun fight in public.

    than that girl say, “kau tau buat benda yang tak tau malu macam ni, kau tak berani bagi orang tau ke!?”

    I some how pitty that girl, she is quite pretty also, should be an international flight air stewardess.

    and then she talk to everyone, saying that her flight was cancelled due to some reason (what reason, she din say), then she go home, who know see her husband is liwat an ah kua on their bed, hahahhaa

    then that guy keep on try to ask her to stop talking and go home to talk.

    not long after that, due to this free show had blocked the whole road until jam like hell, police come. then the police tell them if want to fight, go to the balai and fight, don’t block the road.

    then immediately that girl follow the police, that guy have no choice but to follow the police also. then the police ask everyone to leave, and the police said “semua orang, pergi, wayang dah habis, semua balik”

    then the show is end immediately.
    if that day i have more free time, maybe i will follow them to the balai and continue to watch the movie

    • Cleffairy says:

      LOL-ed very very hard at your comment, Garfield. Hey, no straight woman on the face of this Earth could accept such things lerr… It’s just not normal, you see.I think men cannot accept such thing too… if a man find his wife on the bed with another woman, it would disgust him more than him finding his wife on the bed with another men. he’ll also think what the hell is wrong wif him lerr, to cause his wife to prefer women!

  7. kelvin says:

    “Even if I did put their link in my blogroll, it would strictly be ‘invincible’ to others,”

    Is it “invisible”?

    Love is a myth…u may heard of it, saw on TV, have tons of relationships, but u still won’t understand it…

    • Cleffairy says:

      I wrote this at a wee hour in the morning, very ungodly hour. So pardon the grammar… lol. Actually… I was thinking… it’s invincible… not invisible. Cuz if I dun put their link in my blogroll, they wun be vulnerable to others. But now that you mention, that sentence does sounds weird! I go change now! LOL…

  8. shakira says:

    “Having our husband turning gays after marrying us is probably as horrible as catching our husband fucking their own mother on the bed that we shared together.”

    Honestly,I would be so insulted and confused about my sexual

    I used to think that ex could be GAY but he loves women!lol

    What is there to understand? Love is not something that we control especially if it involves your natural sexual preferences.

    Lets be honest. IF YOUR HUBBY IS A WOMAN, would your love change? Think about it.

    I think what your GOD BROTHER did is very unfair to his wife. I can really feel for the poor wife. He should not have gotten married if he asked all those questions which he asked you…it is like saying , marriage is just not good enough and he deserves more? Being BISEXUAL is so damn selfish. Hey, EVERYONE IS BISEXUAL deep down but we cannot afford that kind of lifestyles , can we?

    You just stay horny and sweet to hubby!lol


    • Cleffairy says:

      Well, I would be very insulted too if such things happened to me. I mean… wth… our husband married us, den turn gay worr… what does that make us? We unable to give them sexual satisfaction? We’re not good enough for them?

      You used to think that you ex was gay? LOL… what makes you think that? He got ED?

      Actually, some things are better left in the dark. Honestly, I cannot really answer that question. If my husband turn into a woman, would I still love him? *sigh* I think den I’ll turn into a les lorr…honest! I love my husband not just because he have a stick between his legs. It goes more than that. I cannot explain.

      He is unfair to his wife. He married her first, den have children, den turn into gay. *sigh* and the wife is in the dark about this. She suspects nothing! 🙁 i always tells him that he’s being unfair, but then again, who am I to judge?

      Whoa… stay horny and sweet? Hey… I’m pretty lethal when I’m sweet!

  9. Gratitude says:

    “To a woman, love…to a man, lust” is so true

    Many of my close friends have actually complained to me that their wives desire for sex decreased drastically after marriage. Studies have actually revealed that men rated sexual satisfaction very high on the relationship chart as compared to women.

    • shakira says:

      No all women. I find that I tend to be more experimental and higher lust now that I have all the free time.Again,I am very blessed to have a very liberal and passionate

      MODERN women DO rate sexual satisfaction very high too. DARE TO BE HORNY and DARE to SATISFY and BE SATISFIED!

      Love your comment, Ant.

      Miss you in my blogs, Ant.

      Have you a great week!

      • Cleffairy says:

        I agree with Shakira… not all woman. It does not apply to all woman. It doesn’t apply to me either. I think my libido shoot up after marriage. *sigh* Sex, to me… is an addictive thing. Couldn’t get enough, though my mind is more willing than the body at times.

        Constantly lusting after my other half, though I might not say it. I have the decency to be discreet…eh? Wait a a minute… I am not that discreet… if I were discreet, I wouldn’t tell people that I’ve been lurking in gay blogs so that I can understand and learn more on the art of seduction. Must learn more… must go learn more. *prattle*

  10. Littlemermy says:

    Hmm this is something new to me…… but even I can understand this, I am not sure if I really can accept this or not. Understand and accepting is 2 different thing. Anyway, I don’t want to think about it, until it happen to me.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Indeed, understanding and accepting is two different thing altogether. Actually, cheeyee, we can never know what’s going in a man’s world. Obviously, I don’t know, but some people highlighted to me that sometimes those ‘yumcha’ session are very lethal. That’s where men sometimes find comfort in their own sex, cuz most women won’t bother following their husband to those session. Never iknow what they do over there too.

  11. the reader says:

    hey clef

    so lama la i havent read ur blog, for over a year. anyhoo, i saw a lot of things happened to u. i hope this year would be a better year.

    u always come up with interesting topics. i am still gay and i can tell u, gay or straight, its a matter of choice whether or not to act on your lust. it’s not like you cant control it. only animals fuck randomly.

    but i guess some humans do that too.

    • Cleffairy says:


      I’m guessing you’re Pamina? Or Riverra? Is that you, babe? I know why you so lama din read my blog la… cuz these days I toned down on political bitching quite a lot! Too much happened to me lerr, my head whirling! Ahahaha.. but getting back to bitching pretty soon… not so puas hati wif gov as of late!

      I miss the good old times where the comments are very opinionated on those issues that I highlight. LOL…these days… really tone down alot lah. Very sunyi! LOL… I used to have malaysianjoe, warrior, calvin and pete commenting on my bitching, but these days… *sigh* only Pete is active…why? cuz the rest oso goes on hiatus ever since Najib takes the helm. 🙁 sad ah~

      Back to the topic, you’re so right. It is a matter of choice on whether you act on lust or not…we got brains lerr…

      Only animals fuck randomly? Nah… human does it too…not all, but some…

  12. CHVoon says:

    wah….. you post a lot long statement ar…

    i need to copy to words and bring home to read and comment later!

    here… factory cannot read so long…. sometimes customer walk by… i need to close it asap… hehehe else later buang outside factory susah la…

  13. CHVoon says:

    For me, it is ok … the most important things is the guy not going to hurt people!

    Homosexual is nothing… I respect them as well. This is their private issue.

    You play online gaming as well ar… hahaha seldom know girl like to play games one hahaha

    I hope I will not turn to gay after married.
    Mmm… I cannot answer the question. I want to know why too?

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