I made 3 phone calls today. One to my aunt, one to my mother, and another to my father. 2 of the phone calls made me feel so horrible, causing me to make another phone call. š Guess whom was the last one I called just to make myself feel better again? *sigh*
Yes, that’s right. The last phone call was to my father. Why? Cuz both my aunt and my mum kinda make me feel bad inside to the point that I feel like I wanna throw up!
I feel like crying. I wanted to cry, but I won’t let myself. I won’t allow myself to be wallowed by self pity and self-disgust…. especially when my bloody other half is being nonchalant about this freaking issue. Maybe I should just take up shooting and shoot something to vent my frustration. š I feel so trapped and abused. Yes, that’s right. Abused. And also used… and also unappreciated… and the list goes on!
To cut the long story short… I made a phone call to my aunt, who is just 1 year older than me, to congratulate her on being pregnant. Then all the bloody nonsense when I’m going to have a baby and blah blah blah started. I was really happy, truly, that she’s being pregnant and all… but does she have to ask me a lot of personal questions that I don’t feel like answering?
*sigh* I avoided her question like a plague, and and made a promise that I don’t really tend to keep, which is to… uh… visit her when she finally give birth… cuz I kinda hate being around relatives who loves to get on my nerves by asking me personal questions and those showing off and stuff.
You see… I’m not really successful in life, and I wonder if I ever will be. I am not rich, and I don’t exactly reproduce like some sort of a pig either… so yeah… you get the picture, why I don’t like to be around relatives. They simply poke their noses in places that they’re not supposed to.
After successfully ending the conversation with my oblivious Aunt, I called my mother, whom I haven’t talk to for quite some time now. You know… call her just to ask if she’s all right and whatnot. BIG MISTAKE.
Of course she’s all right. She’s always all right. She almost NEVER fall sick. š Not that I’m saying I wish that she gets sick… I’m just saying that sometimes, I feel really uncomfortable talking to her, because she likes to… uh… gossip, and… like those people in my life… she loves to… compare me with others, even when I’m all grown up. I can’t relate to her, and she doesn’t understand me. She loves to socialize with relatives, much to my chagrin.
She loves going to the weddings, baby showers and funeral( Good Lord… I don’t know if anybody can enjoy a funeral, but obviously, my mother can). Fine. She likes family occasion. That is none of my business. But I don’t feel comfortable at all when she tells me how big their weddings are, and how wonderful their baby showers are…she always says them in a tone that’s hinting me something, and I loathe it so, so much.
Why can’t she just let me off, and leave me alone? I am not interested in joining her and make a court jester out of myself at these family occasions.
I never failed to feel bad each time my mother talked to me about those stuff. Talking… is still tolerable… why can’t she understand that I have no interest in taking part in those things that she’s so fond of? š
I’m not interested to go to relatives’ wedding. I don’t want to go to relatives’ baby showers… and I don’t want to go to funeral too. Why? Because people just won’t mind their own business and ask ME personal question that I considered as invasion of privacy!
It is sooooooooo difficult. No offense… but I kinda hate female relatives and outlaws who are in their 50s. I can’t relate to them, and they’re pretty…what’s the word? OBNOXIOUS.
I felt sooo sooo bad, and knowing that my husband would brush me off when I talk about these stuff…you know… relatives’ wedding, baby showers and whatnot…my husband is never interested in listening to such things and so I called up THE ONLY PERSON who WILL ALWAYS listened to me, regardless of how silly I may sound- MY FATHER.
I called him up, and he was still at work. He told me that he was in front of the PC, finishing up some work, and so I told him that I will call back later when he’s not busy, but thank God he said that it’s all right and refused to let me hang up.
He asked me if I’m all right. And of course…I kinda lied him. I told him I’m fine, just a bit stressed about work and whatnot. The usual. He must be sensing that I’m upset… cuz he asked if I’m feeling well. So I told him… I don’t know if I’m feeling well… I’m feeling feverish… must be the weather and I just call to hear his voice and to ask if he’s doing okay.
But my father knew me very well and bombed me. “Did you happen to call your mother?” he asked.
I broke down at this point. I said yes, and I blahs to him, telling him that my mother had been at it again, asking me to go to places I don’t want to and telling me who and who is getting married, and who and who is having baby showers, and who and who is so pretty and practically glowing… and also about so and so who is just promoted and whatnot.
I told him I don’t want to go back to those family occasions… because I feel that no matter how successful I am in life… people would still judge me on how well-married I am and how many pooping and wailing brats I have~!ĆĀ And people are more interested in how many times I get laid a week more than what I’ve worked so hard to build! It sickens me to the very core. š
While other people in my life would have probably reprimand me for being so reserved and refused to socialize with gossiping bimbos at this point, my father didn’t accuse me of that. He listened sympathetically and told me that he didn’t fancy family occasion too, and if I don’t want to, I don’t have to go back and face those people who doesn’t mind their own business.
I told him that I missed him. And the only reason why I wanted to go back for the holidays is just because I wanted to see him. š Even if people around me hurt me badly and made me feel inferior with their words, I still want to see him and have a good time together. I missed talking to him, I missed being understood and I especially missed being taken seriously.
I heard clicks of the keyboard at this point. And after a few seconds… my father told me…that perhaps, he could make some arrangements and come to visit me instead… he didn’t promise me… he said he would try to make arrangements to visit me instead.
And you know what? That alone makes me feel a lot better, even if he can’t manage to come and visit me during the holidays. Those words… those words alone made me feel loved, protected and and cherished. Those words made me feel important too. And… for now, those are enough for me. Even if he can’t manage to come and visit me… I feel better already… with just his words…my father… he made me feel better… by just listening and assuring me that he loves me regardless of how people think of me.
Cleffairy: Breathing is difficult, especially when people are trying their best to suffocate you. And here’s ‘How Can You Mend a Broken Heart’ by Bee Gees.
How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories do days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
*sigh* no wonder you were feeling down.
Ya..some kaypoh relatives who likes to show off is really irritating. If you know your aunt is like that and would make u feel small each time you talk to her, just avoid calling her next time.
As for your mom, you cant change her. Just change yourself lo. Let what ever she said slide.
One of these days… gonna fuck her off liao. Fed up.
I totally understand how u feel… Anyway, u r lucky to have a very loving & caring father! I hope u r better after talking to him, after releasing into words here & after listening to Bee Gees too ok, cheer up š
Well, thank God for my dad… else I’ll go loon!
Dads are the best! Moms tend to whine…and whine…and make one feel worse!!! Maybe that’s why my daughter would rather chat or go out with me… Maybe.
Ya… agree… dads are the best…give me my dad any day… but not my mum. Nothing is ever good enuff for her.
Hi cleffairy, thanks for dropping by my blog. I read your post feeling for you. Don’t bother about what ppl say and judge and how you shud live your life. It’s your life, not theirs. They so happen to be your relative. I am one, like you, who can be very affected by what relatives or friends say, but my hubs says don’t care, he is one who can lift himself up, whereas I am not. Maybe like you, we all need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a non-judgemental mind… ppl to love you for simply being you.
Can I follow your blog and list you up? You are successful in your own ways. You have a wonderful blog, a husband and a great dad! You don’t hv to be rich in material things so long as you have a good heart, that’s all that matters.
Be strong, be happy… be you, cleffairy!
I’m kinda vain, I guess… that is why what people says, bothers me so much. š Wouldn’t mind so much if they’re friends… but family and those who are close to me… those are quite… hard, you know? It hurts more.
Sure… lol… I will be adding you too. š
sigh.. the comment i wrote just now vanished again cos i forgot to uncheck the arrow here.. now what did i write???
I mentioned about a broken heart, yes, I experienced that before, my heart really felt the pain, broken hearted is really true in that sense literally…
“Sorry, I cannot do much to help you…. but i can offer to distract your mind at some time of the day… God sends angels to u… look around u and maybe they are there to lift up your spirits, it is the way of Him answering prayers…
True… only Him can help… anytime of the day… and He will always listen… regardless of how silly and stupid we may sound to others.
You are NOT alone in this kind of situation.. but do you expect your mum to change for you? or you will start to avoid calling her coz you don’t want to be put in this kind of situation?
Is time that we start to borrow a ‘deaf’ ear and put it on… Beside IQ, we need EQ too especially when we come to handle ‘relatives’…
Take care..
Expect my mum to change for me? Not in a million years…I put up with all the nonsense… and avoid things, because she’s my mum. But sometimes… not everything I can avoid.
I can avoid calling her, but can I avoid not taking calls? Reject and reject her calls, she appear in front of my door, den how? Den wud? Call security to chase her away or call the police for invasion of privacy? If this is the case… better off severe ties with her thru court, is it not? š Yunno,…. I got to remember…. I am a mum too. If I were to do that to my own mum… what if one day my son does the same thing to me? Retribution comes without fail, Cyn. That is what I believe. if I do that to my mum…my son will do the same to me one day.
Reading this,i like your dad already,may be one day you must introduce him to me so i can learn from him,ya… he is in Penang,isn’t he?
hey,just be yourself lah (easier said than done though) but really just feel nice about yourself,don’t be worked up by some who are not even worthty of our attention,right?
take care now and god bless
My dad is a cool guy… he’s a good listener and often makes me feel better by just listening and NOT judging me and tells me what to do and how I should lead my life. He offers me guidance and support… the the rest is up to me. Yes… something each parents should learn how to do.
No la… my dad is not in Penang, unfortunately. LOL.
I agree with Kathy – you cant change others, so change yourself. This is what I did 2 years ago. Yes very difficult, but not impossible. Till today, I still have to keep on reminding myself not to make the same mistake again!
Take care my friend.
Nah… I had enuff… must tell off my mum liao. Suka sangat gossip and compare ppl… she WAIT!! GRRR I accommodate ppl… be civil and polite, I get hurt in the end. Time for me to be bitchy liao… liddat oni ppl dun kik sei me! I think that’s the best change I can make. Grrr! be good ppl no use… cannot survive in this world wan!
Poor fairy. Please avoid the relatives then and only surround yourself with peeps who matter most. Relatives are like that; they poke and intrude into other peoples’ lives, but more often than not, it is without malice but “utter kayponess”.
Thank tushita you have such a wonderful father. It’s a blessing that many can’t even have, so chin up and give yourself a huge smile now ya! š
+Ant+
Maybe horr… I should turn into a kaypo queen myself… when people asked me how many times i have sex every wik and try to make a baby… maybe I should ask them how do they plan their funeral and if they need help in buying a cemetery plot! GRRRRR!
And with Mom, please handle her with care. I had some problems with my mom, somewhat similar to your case. I sat finally down with her and gave her a stern but soft-toned warning not to ever wash the family’s dirty linen in public. I’m glad she’s more mindful now š All the best ya!
+Ant+
š Yet to learn to do that with her. I have once or twice voiced out my dissatisfaction… and she would brush it off and prattled on. *SIGH*
It’s not easy.. to mend a broken heart!~
š You can mend it… but it takes a very, very long time. š
Older folks would most of the time have their ‘wrong’ thoughts cemented and think they are ‘right’ *sigh*. Glad your papa managed to mend your broken heart to heal you almost immediately..Take care.
Yes, thank God for my father… you know… it’s really ironic. When I was growing up, I didn’t favour my father over my mother. In fact, i found that my father is too strict. But now… he’s the person that i would turn to when I feel sad and helpless.
Older folks would most of the time have their ‘wrong’ thoughts cemented and think they are ‘right’ *sigh*. Glad your papa managed to mend your broken heart to heal you almost immediately..Take care.
Helo there,
Thanks for dropping by my crib. Hope you don;t mind me popping over here.
Sorry to hear about ur situation…i know what u mean….i go through the same thing…at first it was ‘when u getting married’ after marriage ‘when u going to be a father?’
In my life…i never ask people those kind of questions and yet relatives and friends still ask. As for relative…standard answer ‘work in progress’ as for friends…i shoot them back.
Me and my wife also try to avoid family thingy…for me i still can handle it…not easy for my wife. But so far we handling it alright.
Good for u to have an understanding dad. Ya…he come over will be better…at least u don;t need to see people u don;t want to see.
Any way..hope u don;t mind…i linked up your site (will take it down if u don;t approve).
Take care and God bless.
Hihi… thank you for returning the visit. Of course I don’t mind you linking me. I’m going to do the same too.
š Yes… exactly that. Before you get married… it’s ‘when are you getting married’, then it’s ‘when are you having a baby’, and when you have one… they’re gonna ask you…’when are you going to have the next one?’ and when you have 2 kids…this is what they’ll say ‘aiyohh.. two onli ah…dowan anymore ah?”
!$##$!@@#@## *TOOT* WTH!
Yes… my dad… he’s the kind who will tink first before he talk… unlike the many people in my life that I have the misfortune to be acquainted with!
hi Just drop by – Guess parent’s love is always the best & unconditional š
Cheers – You have a shoulder to lean on in your hubby
My hubby ah? Aiyoo… he wun care about all this things… that’s why I run to my dad. LOL.
old folks are weird wad so must forgive them..that mean i cant meet u d as im old and i ask a lot of question too… š
I tink u no problem la… give you beer to drink, I think you will shaddup liao!
this is my first time reading your blog and i found out that your blog is very honest and straight forward, which i like it.
seriously, me too, do not like the relative event and luckily my family never force me to join if i tell them that i’m not interested.
lucky you, have a good father at least; who can lend his shoulder for you to cry on.
find your happiness first before think of others. life is too short to be sad friend… all the best to you.
Thank you for visiting. š Oh… I’m pretty straightforward and not quite ladylike when I’m pissed. You shud have seen my old entries… and you would have mistook me for a menopausal, old spinster. LOL.
You see… I’m raised to have respect for the elders… but it is hard to respect them, especially when they do not respect us and treated us like kids. š
Eating ice kacang can mend a broken heart….just finished watching Ah Niu’s Ice Kacang Movie….LOL!
Tak mau ice kacang. I want laksa… rojak and cendol. Can ah? Pete, help me go buy some laksa in front of Teluk Air tawar Mosque… the laksa there very nice la. Last time it was in front of SMKTAT… but now moved to in front of moque liao. Sedap… buy for me la… when the next time u balik kampung. š
Tats why i hate chinese new year.
Yea… and many other occasion too… join the club. We’re quite a Grinch, aren’t we?
the more i drink the more question i ask…lol
Understand how you feel.
I hate going to big family occasions too particularly because:
1 – My mom would be more than proud to announce, “Is there anyone you can introduce to my daughter?” or “This daughter is for sale.” Imagine how I felt. As if I am being single is something burdening or sinful to her – and I don’t even live under the same roof with her for the past 10 years!
2 – Those gossiping, annoying, busybody relatives that wonders why am I not married, when I am gonna get married, why I’m getting fat, how much money I earn (like this was their business!)…
You don’t even want to know how these so called ‘relatives from hell’ of mine even bad mouthed of my small business in front of their friends in Facebook yet had the nerve to ask me to do a nice review for them in my blog!
Humbug!!!! =.=
lucky you have a kind dad. and his thought of coming down to visit you is so sweet. try to think of him when you have bad times ya? he wouldn’t want you sad. be happy .. for him!! that will be a good goal.