Do we celebrate a divorce?

A good friend of mine forwarded an email containing the pictures of these cakes. I’d like to share with you guys as well as my views on divorce in Malaysia.

Now, isn’t this creepy? My friend sent these pictures to me as a joke. But I can’t bring myself to laugh at it, as divorce is no laughing matter. Well, at least, to me, it’s not a laughing matter.
I know there’s birthday cakes, wedding cakes, anniversary cakes, but I can’t believe there’s divorce cakes too.
My question is, do we celebrate a divorce? Some say yes, and some will say no. I think it is all right to celebrate being single again if you don’t have a child to worry for after the divorce, but if you have a child or children, I think divorce is not something one should be celebrating, especially in Malaysia. In Malaysia, divorce usually hurt more than one party. And sometimes the damage done to one’s mind and pocket is collateral during the whole procedure.
Divorce is not as easy as cooking an instant noodle and made to be settled in 3 minutes or so.  In Malaysia it’s gruesome, especially if you are a Muslim/convert. Divorce in Malaysia is gruesome, and Syariah court does not grant a divorce or annulment easily to a woman. I’ve seen many cases of a woman asking for a divorce and the court still haven’t settle it after a few years, and she’s required to go to court countlessly.
Same goes to child custody.
When a couple divorce, the ones who are affected the most mentally and physically is their children. Imagine what the children have to go through when their parents are divorced or in the midst of it. The parents would be able to forget their former spouse and move on, but the same thing can’t be said about their children. Most young children  feel that their parents decided to divorce because of them, and blames themselves for it.
To make things worst, some parent don’t even allow their kids to see their former spouse after getting the child custody. Now, isn’t this cruel? To me, no matter what went wrong between the parents during their marriage should not affect their children in any ways. Parents should make sure of that when they decided to no longer live together. Visitation should be arrange properly between both parties. It is important to let the children know that it’s not their fault that the parents can no longer be together, and most importantly, they must let the children know that they are stilled loved, unconditioanlly.
I honour the sanctity of marriage, and to me, it’s not an overnight agreement and requires a lifetime commitment. I can’t understand why some people mistreat their spouse or have extra-marital affair. One should love and be devoted to their spouse. Unless the spouse is an abusive or infidel partner, I don’t think there’s a need for a divorce.
Communication, sincerity and devotion are the things that keeps a marriage alive. Sadly, most couple in Malaysia lack of it, so I guess that is why so many couples end up in a divorce. Marriage cannot survive on love and romance alone.
One will be in a huge surprise when they jumped into marriage, thinking that just by being in love, their marriage will survive. Marriage goes beyond love and romance, and it’s a hell of a war in there, and one should be brave enough to fight in order to keep marriage alive. If one do not thread carefully, they might give up the marriage and end up in divorce; the easy way out that will hurt others, especially their children.
Cleffairy: I’ve read the Mars& Venus series, and there’s a quotation from there that I find quite applicable in men and women’s relationship. “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. When they come to Earth, they actually forgets that they’re from two different planets and their language speaks differently.”

3 comments

  1. cleffairy says:

    Yes pamina. Well said. I couldn’t agree with you more. It takes endurance and patience to survive a marriage, or a relationship that requires commitment. LOL… whoever said marriage and relationship survives on love alone? 😛

    Being in love with someone is one thing, being married is totally another thing. It’s two different world there. LOL.

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