It bothers me terribly after reading Eugene’s entry. Not because I am overly concern about what he will be doing with the problems that is bothering him, but because his nephew’s ‘problems’ is something that is extremely close to my heart. I won’t give a damn on how Eugene wishes to handle his problems at hand. And frankly speaking, this entry is not targeted on him. Not at all. That is the least on my mind at the moment. But I’d like to say something because his entry tug at my heart.It coincide with the things that is going on at the moment.
For what it’s worth I’ve been constantly put in in almost the same position as his nephew where OUTSIDERS create problems for me when there is actually none at all. They insist that there is a problem. Create problems for you. And then ‘provide’ a solution for you. And then, if you cannot accept what they are doing or admit there’s a problem, things will get horribly nasty.
They will tell you that you’re a stubborn bitch who cannot listen or accept people’s views or advice. They call you stupid,un- filial, and many more unpleasant things.
Things are worst when they happen to be your parents, or elder relatives. They always think think you are not good enough. Not up to their standard. They think they have the rights to make decisions for you without asking your opinion just because they thought they have eaten more salt than you eat rice. They think they are experienced in everything-because they have gone through what they thought you’re going through. When things does not go as they plan or things goes awry, they will cry foul, blame you for everything and play the victim game, telling people that younger generation are crude and have absolutely no respect for them.
People should not judge a book by it’s cover, and yet, that is what goes on every goddamn day in my life. People thought I know nothing when I say nothing. People thought I don’t care about a thing when I don’t speak up and pretended not to give a damn about certain matters.
People thought I’m blissfully happy about arrangements that had been made when I faked a smile just to be polite… just because I am so bloody sick of arguing my arse for conversations that I cannot reach a good outcome. As of late, I feel that talking or trying to communicate my point across is no longer a rational solution to every goddamn things that is occurring in my shitty life right now. What’s the point of wasting my breath when people are no longer even listening to what I want to say, or even keeping an open mind when I say something? It seems that whenever I try to be honest with how I feel about certain subject or issues, it is tempers that flared and I get accused for so many things?
I hate… no wait, hate is not the right word to describe what I feel… loathe and despise is a better word…yes… I despise people interfering my way of life, and yet, people insist on doing that, and as the consequences of their action, I’m placed in the predicament where I can no longer feel happy. No matter what I do these days, happiness or smiles is shortlived. Well, thank good for comedies aired on the idiot box, else I think I I would have forgotten how to genuinely laugh. No, people, I am not joking about me relying on the idiot box to laugh. I am speaking nothing but truth.
Happiness is a commodity that is EXTREMELY hard to achieve these days, and now that people simply would not leave me alone and let me lead my life how I want to lead it. People are expecting me to be like some sort of a robot that they can command as they pleased and follow whatever they say. When they say “Jump!” I am expected to say “How high?” and whether I like it or not, I must do as they say without a question.
Let me ask you readers one thing. When one is not given a choice or even have a say in how one wished to lead their life and they are told just to follow whatever that is planned for them, is it not a violation of the most basic human rights?
Well… for some, perhaps it is not. They call it ‘helping’. But then again, help given when not needed can be HUGE problem. Terribly, horribly, HUGE problem. Same like ‘advice given’ when not asked is as good as making the one on the receiving end think that you are a a busybody who have nothing to do but meddle with things that you should not concern yourself with.
Older people are more experienced in life. Yes. True. I won’t challenge that. But younger generation too have their own ways on how they lead their life and ways to handle their own problems. We have our own ways of doing things, so why the fuck the elders thought we do not know how to handle our life and treat us like some brainless child who do not know how to think or make decision on our own?
Cleffairy: Leave me alone. Let me be. Let me lead my life how I want it to be. Let me make my mistakes. Let me learn. LET ME BREATHE!
Thnak for sharing, anyway i believe there are two elements involved when someone tries to dispens advice…….. the first is trying to be Kay Poh (busybody), and the second is for sheer concern and love and i always choose to do it from the latter element…
But sometimes even as i care and love that someone so much, i would choose to step back and let them learn by themselves too cos i believe we need to garner some bad experiences from life too, dont you agree?
I totally agree with you, one should be given the liberty to lead one’s life whatever ways they so desire, but sometimes it is good to heed some good advice.
Interference is no good, but giving sincere and motiveless concern is,,,
and take care now, send my regard to adrian for me, will ya?
hi Cleffairy, after finished reading your post, i do understand deeply how u felt or feeling now.. one time i was also in your position esp the time when my husband passed away, life was not the same for me anymore. I was 37 with 3 young kids, elders from my in laws began their “authority” over what i should do and not do… even to buying a graveyard next to my husband without my knowledge! I am not going to list what else, it will be a super long post…
So naturally reading your post, more or less it was something like what i had gone thru, to them, u r still a young mother not matured yet, helpless… and u might need some parenting advice or guidance on how u lead yr life. Keeping quiet shows we r “vulnerable” and “flexible” (anything also can) …
but it is not healthy to us.. we can end up feeling stressed up and depressed.. but what can we do?
So.. just be the way we are.. slowly, one day, they will come to realize.. (hopefully) that we have our own ways to lead our lives.. no more eating salt more than rice concept..
i guess each family have own problems.. sometimes it is better to allow them to settle their indifferences than to involve, unless things are really getting violent and needs a helping hand from the close ones..
my 2 cents… no offence to anyone..
hi Cleffairy, after finished reading your post, i do understand deeply how u felt or feeling now.. one time i was also in your position esp the time when my husband passed away, life was not the same for me anymore. I was 37 with 3 young kids, elders from my in laws began their “authority” over what i should do and not do… even to buying a graveyard next to my husband without my knowledge! I am not going to list what else, it will be a super long post…
So naturally reading your post, more or less it was something like what i had gone thru, to them, u r still a young mother not matured yet, helpless… and u might need some parenting advice or guidance on how u lead yr life. Keeping quiet shows we r “vulnerable” and “flexible” (anything also can) …
but it is not healthy to us.. we can end up feeling stressed up and depressed.. but what can we do?
So.. just be the way we are.. slowly, one day, they will come to realize.. (hopefully) that we have our own ways to lead our lives.. no more eating salt more than rice concept..
i guess each family have own problems.. sometimes it is better to allow them to settle their indifferences than to involve, unless things are really getting violent and needs a helping hand from the close ones..
my 2 cents… no offence to anyone..
BTW I love your blog!
nice topic!! alhamdulilah i am glad i have been giving lot of space and freedom to make my own decisions =p no one should be treated like one’s puppet…
Huh, lucky my parents gave me lots of room to be myself after I left home for further studies. My parents was very strict when I was young but they gradually gave me more freedom. My in laws too are very nice.
But then everyone has their own sets of problem, life is not always smooth sailing.
We just need keep moving on.
Can ignore them ah? My blood boiling d. Maybe you can start interfering in their life. Like start planning for their funeral or designing their final days clothes. I know it sounds horrible but people die eventually and we wouldn’t want to be unprepared. :-p