When I was a little girl, I was pampered to the very core by my parents and my grandparents alike. Being the first grandchild for both side, maternal and paternal, I was treated no less than a princess, and my every whim and fancy were obliged.
I was a child with small body size, big eyes, fair skin, long hair and a mouth that never seems to stop talking. I was a chatterbox, and stopping me from talking would be like forcing a reluctant horse to drink water. I was told that I was an adorable child. Very likable and agreeable child. Pleasant to the eyes, and pleasant to the heart, as I was also an affectionate child who showers her affection easily to family members. I suspect, I was not so pleasant to the ears, though, because I’m known to have quite a mouth, even as a child.
I have rebellious streak and have a mind of my own, even as young as five years old. I have inquisitive mind, a trait that I inherited from my father, and would do anything to achieve perfection in whatever I do.
I did not grew up in Malaysia. And so, when I came back to Malaysia to pursue my primary education as my parents saw fit, I couldn’t fit in. I was boycotted by classmates and teachers alike because I was different, and not timid in class. I could not communicate well for first 2 years of my primary education in Malaysia because I could not communicate in any other language except for English. I felt that nobody could understand me. Back then, I felt as if I was abandoned in a strange place where people have no idea what I was talking about. Even though what I expressed verbally was coherent in the language that spoke I understood, it was nothing but alien to people who are around me. My classmates would laugh at me, jeer me and I was shunned because I was ‘different’.
I was called names. Ranging from idiot to retarded, you name it. And every time during recess, I would sit in a corner alone eating things from my lunch box while other kids sit together and happily eat food that they bought from the canteen. I wanted to buy food like them, but couldn’t, because I do not know how to use Malaysian Ringgit, what’s more the value of it. I was cheated by friends a couple of times, and my parents had enough of it. Therefore, they gave me lunchbox, and only Rm0.30-Rm0.50 as my pocket money, which was usually left at home, inside the piggy bank.
I would go home crying everyday because I felt alone and so different, but my parents merely thought that this is just a phase, and I’ll get over it. Nobody helped me, and this is where I started to develop mistrust towards people around me, including my parents as they were not supportive when I need them to be.
Hurt and wounded psychologically, I learned Bahasa Malaysia on my own, without the help of teachers whatsoever, and being a perfectionist, I excelled by working extra hard at understanding the language. I scored and mastered the language in no time, and attempt to get myself into the social circle of my classmates. Unfortunately for me, once a freak, will always be a freak, and I soon learn my very first lesson in politics from the bullies in school. The bullies in school would report to my mother who constantly make trip to school to ‘follow up’ with my progress. And she will be told that I’m a lazy child who do not listen to the teacher, constantly forgetting to do homework, and stupid. And, my mother would believe those brats that I would classified as young bitches and bastards easily without question. She would not ask me if their statements were true or not. Those child- bitches would snicker and blow raspberry at me when my mother was not looking. My mother then would punish me by hitting my hand or pulling my ears when we got home. I was told to shut up when I tried to protest, and I will be given more mathematics and language exercises as punishment.
Once, the bullies cut my long hair, and lied to my parents that I cut it myself. I got into trouble with my parents again because of their lies as they made my parents think that I was mentally disturbed. Again, my mother told me to shut up and stop lying when I told her that it’s not true. Neither of my parents knew that I cried myself to sleep because my long hair have been cropped short by those child-bitches.
I became a very angry and vengeful child, because I felt that even my mother was giving me a hard time. Shutting my parents out because they did listened to the bullies instead of me, I became pretentious. I kept the cheerful, cute girl facade and started to lie. I started to lie in most situation because my parents seems to take lies easier than truth. I lied to survived. I admitted to them that I didn’t listen to the teachers, forget to do or bring my homework when the fact was my books was hidden by the bullies until school was over, and admit to my parents that I cut my hair because I hated my long hair as my classmates did not keep long hair. My parents believed it easily.
As young as 8, I was a strategist’s in the making. I fully took advantage of my ability to learn fast and took revenge on the school bullies in English classes and made them look stupid in front of the teachers. And when their parents came to take the report book every semester, I made sure I returned their ‘favour’ of fibbing to my mother. My mission was easily accomplished because my academical achievements are better than them. I was satisfied when one of the bitches were slapped because of my words before my very eyes. When her parents were not looking, I walked up to her, and told her ‘Padan muka'(Serve you right). And when she tried to harm me, I pretended to fall onto the floor and wailed. She then got into trouble again for bullying someone who is smaller in size than her.
I did not feel sorry for her. In fact, I was very happy that she too, will suffer the same fate as me at home. Thinking back, I wonder if I would be a different person if I was not bullied at such a young and tender age? I wonder, if my parents were more attentive of me and spend time to listen to me, I would became a more forgiving and gullible person?
I have no answer to that. I will never have an answer to that, because I could never alter my past. However, I seriously think that my childhood would be less painful and easier if my parents spent time to listen to me instead of merely judging and punishing me.
Being parents are not easy. Now that I’m all grown up, I understood that it is rather difficult to bring yourself to your child’s level and communicate with them effectively. Parents are usually busy with work and came home too tired to do anything but hit the sack. But then again, it is important to remember that we, as parents are not always right and the children are not always wrong. It would do no harm to listen to them and give a chance to them to defend themselves before delivering your judgment upon them. It would also do no harm if you could be more attentive of their psychological needs instead of just their monetary needs all the time. I believe, by doing so, your child would trust you more and be more open to you instead of keeping things to themselves. And by doing so, you will also be your children’s best friend instead of just being their parents.
Cleffairy: It is all right to be your children’s friends every now and then. Not many parents could do that, but you’d be an excellent parents if you can.
Hi dear. I totally understand what u facing back then. Still, people sometimes bullied me. Freak, Nerdy, Weirdo, what else they never called me as? I’m not pretty, i admit that. people called me ugly..yeah. its ok. my parent sometimes will be like that, they are teachers, so that, for them,we must behave, no matter what. so, its like, better avoid problems, or else, we will be blame on something that we actually never do that.
so..that’s how you are moulded! Well, it’s tough sometimes, whether to believe in your kid or if they are telling the truth or lying…. let’s pray.
Yes I want to be my children’s friend, as how my mom being my friend. Actually I want to be more than just a friend. I know this is not easy but I will try my best.
Clef .. i agree with you whole-heartedly on learning to be your children’s friend instead of being a mum/dad. just like when you have things to pour out of your heart, beside your spouse .. you go to your best friend … the feel of closeness and security is there for you to do that. same goes to kids.
if one choose to be a parent instead … it might in return trigger the child to be more rebellious.
I remember when my children were small, i would always stoop to their head level to talk to them, i never let them tilt their heads upward to talk to me.
Even now, i encourage my children to be bold enough to make mistakes, (but not too many times over a same mistake).
It is always nice to be your children’s friend, that’s when i relive my childhood again, looking things from their perspective again, reminding me of what it is like to be happy again.
good post cleff
Small size, big eyes, fair, wow must be cute leh!
I would very much like to challenge my school bullies to a one to one fight at the moment, most of them are out of shape now, overweight, moving damm slow, high blood pressure and no stamina….ha ha ha! Beat them flat lorrrr! LMAO
yo clef…..just read your post today. was damn busy.
being a parent is not about telling you child what he/she can or cannot do, yes or no or spanking them every once in a while. it’s about sharing lives together, learning from your children vice versa, encouraging them by showing undivided love. children are fast learners, and they catch up what we do and follow them in the future…..by that time….sei lor 😛
i was bullied in school too. i was fat and bubbly. my chinese friends would call me retarded becoz i am unable to converse with them in the language. pushed and shoved around, having my shirt ripped off and my mum spanking me at home. i said to myself….enuff is enuff. i took up taekwando (now 2nd dan black belt btw….dont play play), and suckered them up one by one. never looked back….and since that day, no one dared to bully me no more…hehehe. partially becoz i grew big too fast 😛
like you, my mom listens to others rather than my explanations….and in a typical nyonya family, hentam 1st talk later….hahaha. gonna be a father soon. i have lots to learn as time goes by. i wouldnt want my child to have his life like mine. not gonna pamper too much though…hehehe, else he’ll go stepping over my head.
aiyo.. din noe u are a retard in school.. anw.. welcome to the club… I was called tiny in school due to my small build… in class I sit front row with the girls.. (wink!). Line up hold hands also with girls… I think today they won’t let that happen anymore.
But I guess as children we are more resilient and I think your parents know that.. anw.. they were proven right.. you came out alright!
Politics? I think we started playing it since we came out from the womb…
Thanks for sharing.
i should not want to meet you when you were young. such skills in planning and scheming..
am fortunate that my father taught in the school that i was studying in. it has its plus, in the sense that the other students know that they can’t fool around too much. but i had my fights and what nots.. and thanks god that i was in all boys school…. there is less things to scheme about esp. if it involve girls. hehe
You are highly attuned to your emotions and surroundings at such young age. I would be traumatized. Anyway, I was a total blur little girl.
I believe that experiences in life do shape us to who we are today. It’s part of our social learning skill. We could know no otherwise then except for our own surroundings. We learnt how to survive, making and understanding meanings in our life.
Anyway I believe that now that we are here? We can make changes. If I have a child now, I would want to listen to them. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Cleffairy.
I’m sorry about what you had to go through.
But it’s good you turned out ok. =)
I feel you as I was the girl in the blog too!
Th bullies ignored me TOTALLY just because I can’t speak proper Mandarin.
I’m a Kadazan girl who don’t know how to speak Mandarin then.
I forced myself to be the top of the class, yet I’m not the top, my academic results scared the shit out of them.
Imagine, during high school, a Bumiputera Gal scored 96% in her Chinese History class whereas 90% of the class FAILED the subjects!
Damn! I missed those face when teacher called my name & my score as I walked out from my seat to receive my exam paper!
Yummy! Does it feel sweet?
Politics is everywhere, especially when comes to different race.
I myself don’t like to mix those hardcore Chi-Ed people.
They only mix with their own flock.
They stay away from me and said I’m too dominant.
Hello..they just being a follower instead a leader,that’s why?
Politics….
Sick of it
yet we need to be smart to handle it….