One of the most difficult parts of recovering from infidelity is talking about the affair itself. Some affair victims are absolutely convinced that they have to talk about the affair before they can heal and move on. But this may not work well for everyone. To some people, talking about the affair is extremely important, while to others it is not such a big detail. To talk or not to talk about the affair is entirely up to you.

With that said, here are a few guidelines to make this process a little less rocky for you.

It’s the injured spouse’s decision whether to discuss the affair or not

In discussions about the affair, the injured spouse should be the one to initiate as well as to control the flow of any conversations about the affair. While you want to get the information you need to move past the pain, you also want to avoid any unnecessary pain now, so decide what level of detail you are comfortable with and don’t be afraid to stop the conversation when you start to feel overwhelmed. Since this is your chance to fill in the missing pieces, keep the conversation focused on you.

Complete honesty from the cheating spouse

During these delicate conversations, the cheater should be completely honest with the information he gives his spouse and should also freely reveal whatever is asked while being sensitive to information that is going to be particularly painful to his spouse. If the cheating spouse is not 100 percent honest with his answers, this will only contribute to the overall atmosphere of distrust that is already in the marriage.

It’s best to take in the information slowly

While you may want to know everything about the affair all at once, this is would not be the best course of action for you to take. You should take your time getting the information you need and resist the urge to rush through the process. Doing so is only going to emotionally overload you and make you feel frustrated, and angry.

Healing after an affair takes time and having conversations about the affair itself is a major part of the healing process. So you should take as much time as you need to work through these issues. Realize also that this type of conversation is often an emotionally painful experience, so only you can decide if talking about the affair is worth the effort. The good news is that couples who make it through these harrowing conversations about the affair, often have the strength and courage needed to work on recovering from infidelity and healing their marriages.

Cleffairy: Stick and stones may break my bones… but physical pain is much more bearable than emotional anguish.