Let’s talk about the bed…how old is old enough?

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You heard me. I want to talk about bed…or rather, bedrooms today. You see… as of late, a lot of bloggers are talking about it, and it’s quite a rage. Eugene talked about it. Merryn talked about it, and now, I want to join in the fun, as I’m feeling too delirious to be doing anything but write. Oh well…I’m always too delirious to do anything but write. Today is no difference. 😀

Let’s talk about it, shall we? How old is old enough for you to allow your children the privacy of their own bedroom? We are living in the East. We’re living in the part of the world where the sun rise and not set, and yet, we’re not so open about such matters, do we?

People in the East are quite…what’s the word? Possessive about their children, aren’t they? They like to control their children, they like to dominate their children, and they even like to put a rein on their children, even when they are happily married with children of their own. Anyway, let’s not go that far. Those are the things that I could never change, just like I could never change how the Earth revolves around the sun. So all I can do is pray to God to grant me serenity for the things I could not change.

Anyway, how old is old enough for children to be given privacy? Privacy, in the sense… having their own room, and sleeping in their own rooms at night? I am not quite sure what’s the standard here in the East. As far as I’m concern, the Westerners got rid of their brat and let the babies sleep in the nursery when their children are still babies.

This is something I applaud, because they are teaching their children to be independent and giving them the gift of privacy ever since they were born, something we in the East don’t do easily, not because we love our children too much to part with them, but because we are domineering and over protective. We may not realize it, but most of the old farts are still doing it even though their children are married.

So, what’s the right age? You see, I feel that is important to give our children their own space and room when they are growing up. It’ll teach them to be independent. And giving them the responsibility of taking care of their own space. By doing so…granting their own room or space when they are still young, would help them develop the sense of identity and sexuality. And by doing so, we are giving ourselves a favour too. We would have the privacy of being with our spouse, sleeping naked and whatnot without having the fear that out children will see and know what they are not yet ready to know and see. I never believe that one should sacrifice intimacies with the spouse when the babies started arriving.

I started to sleep in my own room when I was quite young, though not that young to the Westerner’s standard. I started to sleep in my own room when I was 3, but I would go into my parent’s room on and off, and never really did get used to sleeping all by myself until I hit 5 years old. I was very aware of my own sexuality when I was 5, and by the time I reached 6 years old, I told my dad not to go into my room without knocking, because I am a girl, and I don’t like the idea of my dad seeing me half dressed and whatnot, just like he don’t like me seeing him in his underwear.

My dad was shocked to be told off by his 6 years old daughter, of course, but he come to realize, that I was a rather opinionated and a headstrong girl. He knew that I was quite different from other girls my age and it would be best if he comply to my requests instead of telling me off for demanding respect and privacy. I was growing up after all. And from then on, my dad never failed to knock onto my door each time he would like to go into my room, and he made my mum do the same too. Though I had strong sense of privacy and wanting to be respected, I was still a child, and so, my parents would tuck me in and tell me bedtime stories for about an hour, and it became a night time routine between me and my parents until I was 9 years old.

My parents stopped telling me bedtime stories when I was 9 because I started to get pretty creative by that age. I started to ask too many questions during storytelling sessions, and I preferred to be alone at night, spending my time writing poems, and stories before I sleep. Hence, to compensate the loss of quality parent-child time, my dad started tutoring me in my studies personally every damn night until I was in Form 3, so that he still could have some father-daughter time with me, and catch up with my school life. My dad… he is a good father. He never go out to drink or chill out with friends at night, or his colleague. He chose to be my teacher instead at night and during his free time. He never even go out with his friends during weekends, as far as I could remember. He was very selective on who should be his friends, perhaps. I think, in some ways, he wanted me and my sister to respect his ability to choose good friends, instead of lewd or backstabber kind.

He had always kept his friends and colleague where they should be; at 9am-5pm. Strictly at that, I must say. My dad… he had always arrived home the latest by 6pm. And he would spend his time with us, his wife and daughters during weekends too. He may not have too much friends to chill out with, but I knew he’s highly respected in the office, because I’ve heard kind words about him. In my eyes, my dad is a perfect father who devotes his time to us, his family. In this aspect, not even my husband could be half the man my dad is, and I think, he never would be. I am married, but my dad will always have a very special place in my heart, all because he is a good man who started it right with me and my sister.

He granted me and my sister privacy ever since we’re young, and taught us to be independent, among many other things. We may not realize it, but allowing out children to sleep alone does help to create what they will become in the future, if you play the cards right.

As far as I’m concern, allowing children to sleep in their own room ever since they are young does not mean that you are stopping yourself from being affectionate with your children, as it would allow you and your children to look into a bigger perspective in a child’s childhood and you would play a bigger role as a parent as you would make more effort to be not just their parents, but their friends as well.

As parents, we are always concern about our child’s safety, especially when they are young. You would be afraid that they are not ready to have their own room and whatnot… you would be afraid that they will fall off from the bed, and many more things. Please don’t scare yourself silly. It is us who are not ready to let our children sleep all by themselves, not our children are not ready to have their own space.

At what age we should let our children sleep in their own room? Why… elementary my precious readers… I think this is not a question we should ask ourselves, but it is a question you should ask your own children. Try asking this ” Are you ready to sleep all on your own? You are growing up now. Would you like to sleep on your own?” And I am sure you will be surprised with the children’s answer.

Cleffairy: Earn respect by showing some respect.

25 comments

  1. fatty oldman says:

    they can hv their own room when they start to walk…me n my brother got own room when we were very young…mayb my parents want some privacy… 😉

    Reply
  2. claire says:

    actually i never had my own bed before when i was young.. i slept on the plank floor all those years with my sisters..
    after i got married, husband shared the bed..now that he is gone, i shared with my daughter..so all the time, i have someone sleeping with me… and i think i m not used to sleeping alone….

    Reply
      • Merryn says:

        Bolster.. I call my bolster my HONEY because.. william can be at work, but my HONEY will always be with me no matter what.. Claire, start sayang your HONEY now as soon, Fernie will be somewhere else furthering her studies 😀

        Reply
  8. fatty oldman says:

    thats y u had a happy n tired husband as u dont slp at nite…:P
    crazy ar u as coz of nitemare seldom slp…nvm u so free can slp anytime…

    Reply
  9. Cynthia says:

    I have my own room too since very young… .and only now that I started to have someone sharing my bed!! and I gave up 2/3 of my bed to HER!!! She is my intruder when it comes to my BED!!! 😀

    Reply
  10. mnhl says:

    I do not have my own room not until I started to work at the age of 20. We lived in a very small house (2 bedroom single storey) and my bro got a room for himself while I shared with my parents. Until I started to work in KL, I rented a room and sleep all by myself. Have been wondering how I managed because I’m not afraid to sleep alone at all. I enjoyed it totally.

    Reply
  12. Cheeyee says:

    Hmm I have been sharing room with my brother until I was about 13 yrs old? Can’t remember the exact age. But then my parents think we are old enough NOT to share room together so they spent some money to do some renovation in the house for one small room for my bro.

    Reply

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