Thank God that I am not my husband’s daughter for if he is, I would be absolutely aghast and disgusted with the fact that each time he goes back to his mother’s house every Chinese new year, he will be involutarily reverted back into a child…or rather, a kindergarten child. You see, all these years I never see my mother in law treat him like an adult who is completely capable of thinking and making decision for himself, what more for me and his son, which is a very, very sad thing for me to see.
Every year would be the same thing. She would nag him all the way and as soon as he arrives at the door…she will be bombarding him with load of things such as why he takes so long to arrive, why he did not start the journey early and whatnot. And then she would proceed to complain that he is sweaty and he should be taking a bath and whatnot.
This year is the same with the previous year. The only difference was that she added our pet into the equation. She wasn’t happy about the cat and was asking why we bring our cat along and that our cat will make the car dirty and smells disgusting. >.< Whatever. I wonder if nobody told her that her son and her grandson owed their life to this cat and would have been burnt to death if not because of the cat and she deserves to be treated like apart of our family instead of a stray animal. My father and mother stopped doing such thing to me ever since I turned 12. They respect me and I am allowed to have my own opinion.They allow me some degree of freedom and they allow me to make my own mistakes so that I could learn and grow. While I don't always see eye to eye with my mother, I still can be friends with my father. I sometimes wonder why my mother in law do all this? Is it out of habit or she does this because my husband is a patient man and never retaliate? Or is this the only way she can communicate with all of her children? I honestly don't know. My father in law may still treat all of his children like children sometimes, but he still have some degree of respect towards them, and he never nags or scold his children in front of their spouse or grandchildren. He would do it privately or when he thinks we are not around or not listening to the conversation. Frankly speaking, I am okay with that and it's never an issue though I find it annoying at times. Scolding and nagging my husband openly makes him looks really bad in front of us; his son and wife. And I am certainly glad at this moment that I do not have a daughter as fathers are supposed to be very macho and heroes in their eyes instead of someone who is indifferent and submissive towards such things. Respecting the elders is one thing, but being bullied is another thing altogether. Thank God we don't go back so often. I am not sure how all these will affect my son's opinion and respect towards his father but I can be sure it won't be good to let my son see people treating his father like this very often, and I certainly get why my brother in law and sister in law never bothered to overnight in her place or stay more than 2 hours each time they visited her. Contorary to everyone elses opinion on their action which labels them as unfillial towards my mother in law, I think it's not because they have no respect whatsoever towards my MIL, but because it puts a strain on their marital relationship. They are mature enough to understand that they cannot change others and they have to do something to adapt. Why bother to go through all that when it is completely avoidable if you make a bit effort on preventing it to happen? My brother in law and sister in law probably understand the fact that the children are seeing all these, and it won't make a good impression on the children if they sees their parents are not respected by other adults. And besides, they probably do not want their children to label their grandmother as a person who nags them and threatens to cane (and actually cane them) whenever they do not sit still or refuse to finish their food. Pshychologically, such things are all negative to the young minds as children are perceptive. And seeing such thing will most definitely make them think that the adult in question is not worth respecting since they themselves are not respected. Cleffairy: It finally occurs to me that I would probably fail to provide a positive environment for my daughter if I had one. And I come to realize that the lack of little girls in my husband’s family is actually a blessing in disguise.