Time is a funny thing. It may change us to the extend we could no longer recognize ourselves, and yet, sometimes, certain things remained the same.
Before I write further, allow me to extend my sincerest apologies to all, as I’ve been pretty busy lately, and I didn’t really have the time to grace your blog with my presence as often as last time. For those who had been concerned and sms-ing me to ask if I’m all right, I’d like to thank you. Thank you very much for caring for me. It truly means a lot to me, and I’m deeply moved by your kind words, and sincere, heart-moving thoughts.
I assure you, I’m fine…just occupied to the max. Busy… for me is good. It makes me feel alive. Remember my entries last year? I sounded rather devastated and was completely frustrated with life, and I was so determined to find happiness and inner peace, no matter what it cost.
And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing; living my life to the fullest. I’ve been reading the letters I wrote to myself faithfully, and I’m happy to say that my writing therapy did work. Apart from making me feel better and much more alive instead of feeling zombified, the letter to myself made me do crazy things; like waltzing the middle of the night as well as indulging myself with sinfully delicious chocolate cakes when everyone is sleeping.
I feel more and more alive with each passing day. And I realize something important. It’sÂ one of the biggest key in having inner peace and happiness-all I need to do is be myself, and instead of trying to please others, I please myself first.
I feel happier and definitely much better. This may sound selfish… but then again, if I don’t love myself and take myself seriously, nobody else would. Bottom-line is, I must respect myself first, before I respect others. That’s the way it should be, not the other way around. And IÂ should never, ever allow anyone to make myself feel inferior. Nobody had the rights to do so, it doesn’t matter who they are.
Anyway, as I mentioned earlier in this entry, time changed people, and yet, certain things remained the same. This is a little bit outdated, but I’d like to write it down regardless, as a reminder, as a memory that I shall soon look back with fondness.
Last week, 27th February 2010, I met two important people in my life. One is a blogger friend whom is dear to my heart, someone who was there for me during one of the darkest time of my life. She was the first to discover that I’ve lost my home in a fire last years, and she’s the only one at that time who was there to help me pull through my depression. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here today, writing this, as I would probably cold in my grave. She was there for me when I was almost suicidal.God truly loves me. I may not realized it back then, but He did sent me someone to give me emotional support when I needed it most, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
It’s truly nice to be able to meet with her and her family. Her two kids are absolute darling, especially her little girl. In many ways… her little girl made me feel that I am not so horrible with kids after all. 😛 I met her on borrowed time, though, as I had to meet another important person in my life, and she had to leave as well. I can only pray that I can meet her again next time and bitch with her about life to our heart’s content.
27th February 2010 was also very historic for me, as I finally meet up with my best friend, Pauline, after 8 years of not meeting each other, despite of living in the same country. It is truly, absolutely pathetic that we didn’t manage to meet each other, considering that we’re somewhat partner in crime since God knows when. Sheesh! I can’t believe it! Amazing enough, we’re still best friends or rather, sisters. Yes, indeed, we’re more like sisters than just best friends. 😛
Funny thing about me and Pauline is how we managed to still be best friends despite of not meeting each other all these years. It seems that technology had taken over our lives like nobody’s business. We used to communicate with each other using the land-line almost everyday after school… and when both of us pursue our higher education, we started to use our damn hand phones to communicate with each other. And then, we graduated to MSN messenger, and now… the bloody twitter along with those sms. *SIGH* Thank God for technologies… though we were far apart, we still could keep in touch with each other, regardless of distance.
I am so, so glad that I was right. So damn right that it doesn’t matter where I go, I shall always be her friend. I promised her back then in 1999, that she’d never loose me as a friend, even if she would never get to see me as often. She’d be in my heart, like a brand, forever.
You see… it was after PMR, and Pauline was sitting with me and a few other friends, talking about our future and stuff. You know, the usual pondering school kids does when they had nothing better to do after their examination besides playing monopoly and chess in school.
Out of the sudden, Pauline bawled her head off, getting all emotional about loosing the friendship that she had with me and our two other friend. Two other girls, J&D followed suit and cried at the prospect of not being able to see other other again when we our own ways in the future.
Everyone at the table cried a pail of tears(fine, that’s a little exaggerating)… except for me. No… I didn’t cry. Not even a single tear in my eyes. I remembered it very well. Pauline asked me that time, why I wasn’t even sad the the prospect of not being able to see each other anymore in the future when we finally left school…and everyone present were wondering if I did not appreciate our friendship.
Much to their amusement, I laughed instead. I told them it is silly that they thought we would not remain friends when we won’t be able to see each other everyday anymore. I then assured Pauline that she won’t be able to get rid of me easily, asÂ intend to be friends with her, even when I left school, and not able to see her as often anymore.
And I did just that when I finally left school, and we went separate ways, leading separate lives. I kept in touch with her, with the help of technology. See, Pauline… I kept my words. 😛 I am still your friend, still your partner in crime.
You are never forgotten. You’ll always be in my heart, and even when I’m old and senile, I would still have my blog to remind myself about you. You’re a goner, girl. You got one lizard haunting you and ‘sticking’ with you for the rest of your life. For what it’s worth… I am still conjoined with you as ‘Panda’ would say, and I would still be your shadow as Pn. Aishah would tell us.
After almost 8 years of not meeting each other…we finally met again. And for a moment, I was stunned when I saw Pauline. She reminded me so much of her mother, my teacher. It’s not because she looks as old as my teacher, but because of the way she carries herself. You know, the handbag, make-up and all. My teacher used to carry them too. *sigh* And it doesn’t help it that her hairstyle was almost like my teacher’s. Hers was more sporty and more hip, though. I seriously mistook her as my teacher when I met her last week.
It is weird, to see your best friend who was also your classmate, not in her uniform. LOL… no joke. It definitely feels weird to me, and somehow, I knew Pauline felt the same way about me. She must be thinking of how different I am now. I was no longer the same girl that she knew in school. And I daresay, she must have felt weird that I am not in my school uniform too, only she was probably too polite to express it to me. Oh, well, it can’t be helped. Sometimes I am honest to a fault.
Gone were the girls who wore their long hair in ponytails and don their respective school uniform. Pauline was no longer wearing her blue prefect uniform, and I was no longer wearing the fiery red librarian uniform.
The two girls were replaced by two individual with sporty hairstyle and make up, and another with her girlish summer tube and jeans with no make up on. Pauline must be quite surprised with the dressing of my choice. Back then, I would never wear something so girlish and revealing. It’s funny how time changed us, and how we present ourselves to the world.
Time may have changed us mentally and physically and how we lead our lives, but as we sat down, having our cuppa, I realized, that time could never take one thing away from us; which is friendship, and how we felt about each other. The night of 27th February 2010…somehow, someway, despite of the way we look and the way we have matured, we were still the girls who don their blue and red uniform.
Deep inside, we were still the girls who wears their hair in ponytails. I am more than certain that time could never take our friendship away, and our beliefs in life. All we need to do is, look back when we feel lost, and rediscover the ‘forgotten us’-the girls who lived life to the fullest, honest to themselves, and strive for not only happiness, but for satisfaction in life.
Cleffairy: Don’t you know? When you look at the memories of the past, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be making new memories. Can’t you see? People who forced themselves to forget their past, will eventually forgot who they really are, and who they wanted to be.