Will you stand by a cheating man/woman?

As of late, yours truly is kinda bored out of her head and has been lurking in a gossip site known as KennySai, featuring all dirty little secret about Kenny Sia’s sex scandal. I read it to pass my time over a cuppa tea or crackers, and the contents are usually purely for your own amusement, something that you would read just to kill time. It was never thought provoking until one fine day, I came across this question, which is ‘Will you stand by a cheating man?’. It’s a question that’s very close to home, and rather disturbing, I must say.

Mr. Kenny Sai may not directed the question to me, but I really feel like writing about it. Yes, that’s something to ponder about, isn’t it? Can you actually stand by a man who cheats on you with another women repeatedly?

You love the man, stayed unconditioanally devoted to him and yet he betrayed your trust by conveniently doing hanky panky things behind your back with other women over and over again. He flirt with other women,sleep with her, and as the consequences, he contracted some STD or even worst, AIDS and to add salt to the open wound, you get infected too, just because you are his long term bedmate and trusted him enough not to use any form of protection during your sexual intercourse.

It doesn’t matter if it’s just a fling or a serious relationship. He’s still considered being unfaithful to you. Ignorance is bliss, but when the cat is out of the bag, how do you actually react? You will get upset, of course, that is normal, but can you actually stand by him and forgive him for what he has done, forget and move on while telling yourself that your man is just human and human make mistakes? Can you honestly still trust him after what he has done? And most importantly, can you sincerely forgive him and move on with the relationship as if nothing has happened, or will you get very pissed off beyond forgiving and pack up your luggage and leave after kicking his ass for fooling around?

I have to ponder on that question. It’s not an easy question to answer, though there’s only two choice, which is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. Why is it not an easy question for me? Well, dear readers, while it is very easy for a woman who is not married to leave the man who is unfaithful to her but I think that it’s not easy for women who have extra baggage (like children) to bring along when she leaves the man who’s unfaithful to her. When a husband cheats on his wife and his wife finds out, and no matter how upset she is, she still have her children to consider.

What will happen to her children when she leaves him? Will there be a painfully long court session fighting over the children’s custody and terms of divorce? If you decided to leave, how will it affect your children’s mentality? They will definitely be affected, especially if they are young. Young children sometimes would blame themselves for their parent’s separation, and wives who are usually motherly would consider her children’s well being first than her personal issues. It is definitely not easy for a married woman to ask for a divorce and leave her husband when she finds out that he’s having extra-marital affair. She have a lot to consider.

We’ve seen many women who chooses to stand by her man, even though it’s proven to the world that her husband is a bastard who had sex on his office table with his secretary or frequent a hotel with his ‘personal’ friend to have sex. Yes, ladies and gentleman. You’re guessing it right. I am talking about Hillary Clinton standing by her husband Bill Clinton and our dear Mrs. Chua Soi Lek. They are both woman who have quite a recognition in the society through her husband’s public recognition. One is a president’s wife while another is a politician’s wife. They are both strong women in the eyes of the public and yet why did they choose to stand by their husband and swallow all of their hurt by standing by their man through the heartbreaking time of their marriage?

I had answered Mr. Kenny Sai in his comment page on whether or not I will stand by my cheating husband. My answer was like stated below:

=.= more anons…. hmm… if that’s a question directed to me, Mr. Kenny Sai, my answer is an absolute no. I will not tolerate a cheating man what more stand by a man who treats me like an absolute fool. I am a married woman,and let’s say misfortune befalls me and my husbands two-timed me and I happens to find out, I won’t keep quiet about it either. Be it whether I have children or not. Does it make me a lesser woman or a terrible mother if I choose not to stay with a man who cheats on me while I am completely devoted to him? Even if I choose to ‘stand’ by the man who cheated on me, that would not be because I want to support the ‘mistakes’ that he conveniently made, but it would be cause Iwould want a revenge. My husband better not cheat on me, or he’ll be even sorry that he’s born to this world.

My response was like stated above because it’s an honest answer that first came across my mind. I really could not and would not possibly stand by a cheating husband. I would be hurt and scarred beyond forgiving and I will choose not to be a fool and forgive his sins, and moved on as if nothing had happened between us. It’s definitely not possible for me, but thinking back, the greatest revenge for a married woman towards a cheating husband would be standing by him and let his guilt and conscience eat him inside out.

I would be capable of raising my child(children) on my own, and can very well keep their father out of their life, but another great revenge is to tell their father’s sin to them, make them learn to be devoted to their future spouse through their father’s conveniently made mistakes. An effective lesson to my children on the expanse of my mentality. If I choose to stand by him if my husband cheated on me, there would be resentment on what has happened and our relationship would never be the same as before, but on second thought, it would be a greater revenge to whoever that wants our relationship to be broken to see that we are still together.

Somehow, I could understand the two women’s decision to stand by their husband. I would do the same, given the circumstances. If it’s just my boyfriend who cheated on him, he might as well go to hell when I find out that he cheated on me. If it’s just a boyfriend, I know I can do better by looking for another better man who is faithful and make him mine. And when I have a better man, showing off to my ex would be my great accomplishment. If it’s just a boyfriend, I would just easily walk away, but if it’s my husband who cheated on me, I would give him a second chance to redeem himself after considering about what we had together. It would be very easy for me to leave a cheating husband who is also abusive, but I can’t say the same about leaving a husband who is a good father and did not mistreat me and never even hurt a single strand of my hair before. I would have to consider and reflect on our relationship then.

So, as to answer the question, will I stand by a cheating man? My answer would be yes for the first offense, but there would not be another second chance after that. If I caught my husband cheating on me for the first time, I would forgive but not forget and would expect him to redeem himself and repent and hope that through his mistakes, it would make our marriage grow stronger. I would not want my marriage to be destroyed just because I am not strong enough to give him and our relationship a second chance, but if I caught him cheating on me one more time, that would be another different story. That would be declaring war with me.

So if my husband is reading this, I hope he knows that I love him and our child/ children enough to give him a second chance if he ‘conveniently’ makes mistakes, but do not trample my trust and betray me for a second time. That would be beyond forgiving then.

I have a question for all of you over here, would you stand by your cheating spouse or your boyfriend/girlfriend? I have given mine, and I would like to hear your honest answer. A woman, a wife would be able to forgive her husband’s infidelity given some certain circumstances and some carefully thought consideration, but can a man forgive his wife’s infidelity? Would he forgive his wife’s sin or would he leave without giving anything a second thought?

Cleffairy: Infidelity could harm many things. Your marriage, your physical/ mental health and your children would be at stake.


  1. cleffairy says:

    Chris, I think I am fiery in nature, but I do mean well most of the times. šŸ˜€ Issit true that married men do not flirt unless there are marital problems… what kind of marital problems do you mean, actually?

  2. Dreamkid says:

    Hi there!

    Thanks for dropping by my blog.

    I believe you’re also hoping to hit 50,000 in Nanowrimo.

    All the best!

    You’re also from Malaysia right?

    Mind to add me as a buddy in Nanowrimo?

  3. Dreamkid says:

    What do I think??

    In the first place when I find a girl, I want to make sure she is… innocent and never had more than 1 boyfriend. Best if no boyfriend before.

    Then I know she is loyal.

    If she changes taste of clothes or books, I know she is not for me.

    If I find out she is cheating on me, I will forgive.

    But I will make it difficult and have her in such a mind set that I only forgive once.

    I haven’t had a girlfriend before… I hope I never experience what you have been writing about.

    I pray that the right girl will come my way soon.

  4. cleffairy says:

    Dreamkid, hi, welcome to my humble blog. Yup, you bet, I am aiming for the 50,000 mark, but I also wish for my novel to be completed by the end of the month. šŸ™ Hitting 50,000 without having an epilogue in my novel would make me feel pretty down So far I only hit 10k++ though. Pathetic. i keep getting distracted. internet is EVIL! Blog is evil too. See… I’m supposed to be writing and yet i lurk here replying to you. šŸ˜› LOL. All the best to you too, I hope you will achieve what you’re setting for. Yes, I am from Malaysia, KL to be exact, and I’ve added you as my buddy in my nano page.

    Hmm, back to the topic. You don’t have any girlfriend yet, and so you can’t possibly be speaking from your own experience. You’re just assuming that you will forgive her. That’s very forgiving of you. I know many men who will not forgive their wife/girlfriend’s infidelity. Usually they will choose to dump her, make her dump him or just walk away. I’m already married, so I can’t really say that I will just walk away from my husband after being cheated on for the first time. It would be hard to destroy what we had shared together just because I’m not brave enough to face his mistakes and forgive him. Though at first thought, I had said that i will leave him, doubtlessly. For married woman, it would be hard. But like you, I will forgive, not forget, and there would be no more room for forgiveness if he repeated the offense. That, I am very sure of.

  5. KevinP says:

    at least u have hit 10k… :). Mine is barely 4k.. :(.

    Anyway, back to the topic… the most important thing is to come clean before you tie the knot… do whatever monkey business u want and satisfy your curiousity before tying the knot and come clean.

    Monkey business… wide and broad definition. But in this case would be to explore various relationships… getting in and out of relationship is a tough affair.. draining emotionally but to some it is a necessity. The one thing you do not what happening is 10 years down the road, you feel that you SHOULD HAVE done this and that… and when that is overpowering then you are in trouble….

    Maybe I am talking fr my own experience… come from 5 failed relationships and ended up with my wife who was my 4th… and before we tie the knot, we came clean.. although we still bitch about our past.. its all in jest and not taken seriously.. so the failed relationships has taught me a lot of things and also prior to that I have had my fair share of clubbings, pubbings and misadventures… ;).

  6. chrisau says:

    marital problems…..if both parties no longer can clicked and pay attention to each other and not communicating due to certain factors like work and etc. Or one party is suddenly becoming too difficult to get along with.
    Anyway, this is complicated but I believe it’s only a minority of married men who flirts.

  7. Dreamkid says:

    You must be married to a handsome and charming man. =)

    I know examples who are married but lack the qualities to get another girl other than his wife. But maybe they are just loyal.

  8. cleffairy says:

    Kikey, you’re right. We can try to forgive, but definitely not forget about such betrayal.

    n o.O you go nano too? LOL. Omg… I wonder how many katak lompat around in ur novel. Ahahaha. Wah, cannot believe that you had your share of monkeying around. I had the impression that you’re such a good boy. šŸ˜› I can’t possibly come clean. *frown* I married my first love. Have no fair share of pubbings and clubbings, can’t possibly go near any if i want to. I got horrible migraine, Loud noise is my enemy. LMAO. *sigh* I married my first love *shakes head* LOL… unfortunately, I am not his first love, He got some bitchy ex that I would give anything to punch their face!

    , I think the fire of romance fade out after some time being married. Things became mundane, and communication are no longer for the sake of communicating. I’m well into my 6 years of marriage, and we have ups and downs together. I’m still young and at my prime, and i admit, one of my greatest fear is what you mentioned above… where a husband and wife can no longer communicate with each other and improve their marriage. I wonder, when that happens, what should the couple in question do to save their marriage? Well, I pray I will not have to find out.

    … hmm… I am married to a handsome and charming man, yes. Protective, yes…nosy, hell yes! He even tells me how to dress up! He’s a good husband, and I appreciate what he does for the family, though I feel so apprehensive about expressing my appreciation to him. We don’t say I love you to each other and stuff…(wah, so paiseh leh), but I do know that he loves and care for me. But of course, I bitch about it sometimes. LOL…words are nice to hear sometimes, dun you think? And no, I AM NOT OLD, before you even ask me about my age. *snarl* I married young. I dun feel like I missed out on many fun things in life, because through marriage, i gain so many things, but I tend to get wistful…if only I did not choose to be married young, how my life would be like? I dunno, but i certainly dun like the idea of not having my husband in my life. LOL.
    I think, it’s not because those men lack qualities to get another woman, I think they love and treasure their marriage too much to destroy it with a mere fling.
    By the way, how’s your insurance exam?

  9. calvin says:

    oh gosh…im late to reply. pete and kev beat me to it…hahaha. anyways, cheating is always a no-no in any relationship. for me, when you’re into a relationship, say bf-gf….we should be paying that the relationship would last to marriage, to children and so on so forth. who in the hell would want a relationship to end. if there is, he/she’s a sicko.

    marriage wise, i cannot say that i am the perfect husband coz im not. i have my flaws. but every couple should learn from their flaws, try to correct it or maybe learn to endure. will i tolerate a cheating spouse? it depends on the situation. have to check the background 1st before jumping into conclusion. if there’s a 3rd party….he’ll be @##@@%! even before he know it…hahaha. but i always pray that rach and i will be strong for each other….there you have it. cheers and have a jolly good weekend. šŸ™‚

  10. cleffairy says:

    Calvin… I married my first love. Fullstop. LMAO. Like you, I take relationship very, very seriously. For me, it’s not a plaything…not something i would fool around with. šŸ˜€ And Inever believed in an open relationship either, that is ultimate bullshit. Maybe I will talk about it one day. There are people who take relationship lightly, Calvin…the casanova kind.
    Nobody is perfect. I know my husband is not, he has flaws, but I accepted it, because I love him unconditionally(though I never shout to the world that I love him), but I’m not flawless to, far from it, but we tolerate and accepted each other as we are and make good things out of it. My husband is my best friend, and my partner in crime, hahaha… but if he plays a fool, God help me, I’ll send him to hell. LMAO… Calvin, take it from me la… I may be years younger than you, but I’m married for 6 years, next year would be our 7th year, and trust me, you and Rachel still have a long way to go. Your journey has just begun. Everything is still sweet and still in the experiment stage(dun deny la, I kno there are some explosive experiment in bed, lmao). Three is always a crowd in a marriage. never let a third party in, that could destroy one’s marriage. God forbids. Continue what you’re doing now with Rachel, and you guys will be fine for many years to come. Ahahaha… Yes, have a happy weekend in Terengganu, and God bless. Be safe on your journey, okay? These days people drive like shiet! give all my love and kisses to Rachel, the poor girl is sulking. LOL šŸ˜›

  11. KevinP says:

    Aiya… not that first love no good la… sometimes first love not right… so for those who married first love and is good… I think its VERY good… THen there are people who always have this niggling thought at back of head that first love is “experiment time”…..

  12. cleffairy says:

    Kevin… ahahaha… well, I’m not so sure how to respond to that. For some, first love is so right for them. While for others… first love is just like a flinggggg flinggg and fliiinggg! LOL.

    Celine, yeah, I agree with you. If only they do not take things for granted and cherish their relationship, this world would be a less miserable place to live in.

  13. Dreamkid says:

    Hi Cleffairy… I am dying in my studies. The exam is this Wednesday… So far I’ve only got 4 chapters out of 23. Arrghh!!!

    Can’t wait to meet you on Saturday. You coming??

  14. cleffairy says:

    Hi Dreamkid…wah, still got a lot more to study. Ahahaha… have to work hard lehh… šŸ˜› This coming Saturday? You mean the write-in session? I’m not sure if I could arrange time, because usually I have my hands full on Saturdays and Sundays. I’m split into pieces on Saturday and Sundays…doing volunteer work in orphanage and spending time with family and in laws. Basically, weekends are family days for me. LOL. šŸ˜€

  15. shermilawati says:

    why u have nothing better to do than to answer knnysai’s questions?? that stupid fella dun even have an identity… what are u thinking lah!

  16. cleffairy says:

    Duh, because it’s a good question that he asked. Besides, this is my blog, I decide what topic to write about. I dun have a real identity over the net too, so, why are you bitching here again? I have no real identity over the net like him too, so i ask you the same question, what are you thinking ah, commenting to someone who have no identity over the net?

  17. amoker says:

    Whoa.. i just checked out the kennysai website.
    How come i never find these kind of recreational sites to go to?
    Must be hanging at the wrong crowd. Should do less of politics.

    I just had a long session talking to a chap whose friend is going to convert to Islam because of love. It saddens me so much to know that people did not do enough research on consequences even for a big thing like this.

  18. cleffairy says:

    Amoker… lol, yeah, that site very recreational, well, at least for a kaypo queen like me. LOL. Yours truly has been kinda sick of politics these days… Malaysian politics stinks like hell, the only good news I heard lately was RPK gonna sue the gov, no more than that.

    Really? Someone’s converting for the sake of love? Well, I’m an outsider, so I can’t give opinion about their decision. To me, Islam itself is a beautiful religion, the only problem with Islam is that our government makes it ugly!

  19. floor jack says:

    I must say, I can not agree with you in 100%, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong.
    p.s. You have an awesome template for your blog. Where have you got it from?

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