I couldn’t stay away…

I know I said that the previous entry would be my last for 2009 and I will only start writing in my blog again on 1st January 2010, but I couldn’t stay away. I can’t help it, not when I could feel so much joy and love out there from ALL of you. I could feel the warmth that all of you were spreading around.

You see… I’ve always been a Grinch and somewhat a Scrooge during Christmas seasons. Why? Because I feel that Christmas have grown to be rather superficial as time passes by, and instead of reveling in the joy of giving and spreading warmth to people around you, I only get to see the gluttony and the ungratefulness from the people around me. I get to see what Christmas should never be about.

But this year…you guys made me believe in the joy of giving and receiving again. Because you gave me the precious joy of all, not in the form of presents wrapped with fancy glittering papers with ribbons and bows, but in the form of kind words and greetings, and also a little of your time to think about me. Truthfully, I could not ask for more, because this gift is a present that no money in the world could ever buy.

I thought, my Christmas would be boring as usual where I’ll be either alone or entertaining people who don’t actually care about me. But I was wrong this year.While it’s not all about me, I felt that it is about me this year, as I received many wonderful surprise from all of you here. You were there for me. Your voice reached out to me. And I am truly touched.

You cannot imagine how happy I am to receive sms from my blogger friends from Malaysia and all around the world, because except for one or two in my real life, not many bothered to do so.

Eugene called me up to wish me a Merry Christmas on Christmas Eve, which pleasantly surprised me. I didn’t expect him to ring me, not when I know he’s probably busy celebrating with his loved ones. I also didn’t expect Shakira to call me up on Christmas morning to chat with me and tell me that she cared for me either.

And it was also beyond me that Claire who is probably busy to death with her Christmas activities with her family and Zara who doesn’t even celebrate Christmas made time to send me Christmas wishes via sms.

And it was beyond my wildest imaginations that I’ll be receiving calls from friends from Singapore and Europe too. All of this did not happen last year. I couldn’t even remember what Christmas was like for me last year. It was probably just one of those days, but this year’s Christmas will be erected in my memory forever. I will remember this Christmas.

Perhaps, God worked his miracles in mysterious ways after all. With all the nonsense that’s going on in my life and I started to loose faith as I felt abandoned when my prayers for comfort help are unheard, God decided to give me a little nudge to remind me that he is taking care of me from afar, though I might not know it.

I don’t know whether God’s meddling is real or not, but I feel as if God is trying to deliver me a message or some sort that the world is not such a cold place and hope is not yet lost after all, as when I feel that my little world is crumbling beneath my feet by sending me all of you as my friends to spare kind thoughts for me.

Whatever it is… whether or not there’s divine intervention in my life or not, I still would like to say this:

Thank you. Thank you very much for sparing your thoughts for me, and letting me know that you cared for me. It’s the best Christmas gift I’ve ever had, and more precious than what money could ever buy.

And here I’d like to dedicate a Christmas song to all of you out there. It’s a song that reflects what I truly want for Christmas. Please take some time to click the video and listen.

My Grown Up Christmas List

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I’m all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something shiny
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh, This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up Christmas list
This is my only life long wish
This is my grown up Christmas list

Cleffairy: The best gift is not what money could ever buy.


  1. claire says:

    Cleffairy, i love the sound of her voice.. yes, a meaningful song! I am glad u have a “different” kind of christmas this year, i love this post, u sounded happier.. and do continue to be so… life is such, full of challenges, we face tough times and they make us stronger..
    Going to KL tomorrow.. but I think my schedules will be very tight.. know why? cos i dont know my way in KL..:)

  2. tuti says:

    the video is moving. homelessness is not just physical. many are homeless in other peoples’ hearts too, ie. no one cares for them anymore.
    i see old people, discarded people, everywhere.
    wish there are more caring people in this world.
    bless your heart. it has place for some of the discarded.

  3. Christopher says:

    Christmas is not just abt buying expensive stuffs for others, not about getting drunk and party wild, not about worshipping santa claus and the xmas tree but in remembrance of the GIFT… the Lord Jesus Christ, which in turn becomes many endless gifts. I had a good xmas this year too !

  4. keatix says:

    hehehe. i would say u receive such care and concern because of what u r and u deserve it. i would contribute it to the well received good nature in your thoughts which make people feel good and positive. largely, to me, it is good merits in return. it’s all about oneself. hey, happy nude year to u and yr family clef!!! hugs and kisses ah….kakakaka.

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