I think, by the time I’m writing this, Claire and STP is probably out of voice…you see, I heard they went on a karaoke rampage somewhere in Penang. I wonder if Eugene was there too? Hmm… I don’t know. I’m gonna have to wait til they blogged about it. I’m sure they had a lot of fun. I wish I could join them, but then again… I can’t make it all the way to Penang. 🙁

Anyway… when I see STP and Claire keep posting about going for karaoke sessions in Penang on their Facebook, I was hurled back down the memory lane.

I’m a shy person. I never want to be in the spotlight. Being in the spotlight doesn’t agree with me… or rather, I don’t quite agree with the glamour and fame and whatnot.

It made me feel uncomfortable and exposed, and I blush easily. It makes me feel vulnerable that people could easily read my emotion through my blushes. I don’t like feeling glamour and exposed. I had enough when I was a child and when I was in my teens. While most would say that it’s a wonderful experience, but I think I wasn’t exactly ready for that, I suppose.

I am camera shy, I tend to avoid going on stage unless I had no choice, but I was not always like that. I had loads of pictures taken when I was a lil girl, and I went on stage for various reasons for more than I care to remember.

I am not sure what actually happened along the way, but as I grew up… I avoided being in the spotlight or perform in public.

I started avoiding to go on stage to perform when I hit 15 years old, but before that… I was a stage monster… and I did not exactly care what people think of my performance. But along the way…I developed certain degree of shyness… and it got worst after I had family of my own. I wonder why…really, I do. Something must have happened along the way to ‘scar’ me for life…but I cannot exactly remember what it is!

Tsk tsk tsk… I think it must have been the make ups that scarred me for life… I look so different with make ups on…so beautiful…almost divine, but it’s not me. I couldn’t recognize the person who was staring back at me from the mirror…it’s so strange that it scares me.

The last thing I sang in public was ‘Seribu Impian’ by Casey during my school’s ‘Hari Anugerah’ in 1995.

And the last thing I performed in public was a ridiculous dance to the tune of ‘We’re In Trouble’ by Shampoo. (Well, it could have been ‘To Sir With Love’ for teacher’s day when I was in my form 3, but I chickened out… tsk!)

Oh! Wait a minute…that bloody dance was not exactly the last thing I performed in public. The real last thing that I performed on stage is during my college years. I played Eliza Doolittle- a main character in a play known as Pygmalion written by George Bernard Shaw. In the play, I transformed from the flower girl from the gutter to a charming young lady and I was awarded the best college actress that year. I was that good.

There was also a movie based on this play, known as ‘My Fair Lady’. It was quite a popular movie. Audrey Hepburn starred as Eliza Doolittle in ‘My Fair Lady’. You can actually watch the whole movie in youtube. It’s a classic.

Thinking back… it really made me wonder if I’m indeed wasting my stage talents by choosing to work behind the curtains as a writer instead? I wonder… really I do wonder…what would have I been if I became an actress instead of a writer. Would I be richer? I think most definitely would…but I wouldn’t have had the satisfaction and the contentment of having people knowing me through my writing without having to meet me face to face.

Cleffairy: What is my true calling? I love to write…I think writing is my true calling. I can make people angry and even cry with my writing, but sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I can touch people’s heart if I chose to be an actress or a performer instead.

ps: HALELUJAH. God, you are so merciful. I thank you millions of times for the lack of youtube, facebook and loads of social networking sites during my growing up time, or my parents would have plastered my performance on the net!!!