I’m quite wary and tired these days. It’s been quite a long and hot weekend, and I cannot deny that when I’m all hot and bothered (not sexually) I can be quite a bitch. Though I have a lot of time to spare, but I could not write any entries at all last weekend because I was not in town, and I was completely cut off from the world wide web as there’s no Internet connection at the place where I spent my weekend. I thank whatever force up there that allows me to be safely home, where I am more comfortable and less problems to deal with. Sometimes, routine activities can be very comforting and though mundane, it can keep me sane.
Anyway, if a blogger friend of mine, Jen (she’s a pretty, nice and single lady, do check out her blog…her blog is a mix of everything, from venting, musing, etc) thinks that parents are so hard to please, then in laws are actually aliens from outer space that do not speak our language and completely not from our world, and no matter how hard we try to communicate with them, it simply does not work!
Most mother in law could not accept their daughter in law. Only some lucky few women have cool mother in law who treats them like their own daughter and genuinely care for them. Most mother in laws merely TOLERATE their daughter in law(s) just because their son(s) are married to those women and they would not want to be labeled as a home wrecker by their peers if they were to come out with a scheme to get rid of their daughter in law by making their sons divorce their useless wife. So basically, mother in laws will antagonize their daughter in laws, and make everyone’s life a living hell.
Typical Asian mother in laws usually only see flaws in their daughter in laws, and no matter what the daughter in laws do to please them would be wrong. From my firsthand experience and observation on my family and some other people’s family, below are the common scenario between daughter in law (DIL) and mother in law (MIL):
Asian MIL will ALWAYS complain that their daughter in law is incapable of doing housework or doesn’t know how to cook. Below is the common conversation MIL/DIL will usually have.
The kitchen scenario
MIL(complaining to relatives and whatnot bitches on the streets): You know, my daughter in law is very useless. She’s lazy, doesn’t know how to cook, never help me with the chores in the kitchen, and bla bla bla. Dunno how her parents teach her… and bla bla bla! Bla bla bla and more bla bla bla!
And so, when the daughter in law made some effort to help her cook some dishes, this is what the MIL will say:
MIL ( scolds DIL): Get out of my kitchen! You dunno how to cook, only knows how to ‘kacau’ only, and makes mess in the kitchen. You cannot use too much oil to fry things, not healthy, bla bla bla…. you see, the water not yet boiled,you cannot put in the food yet later the food cannot be cooked properly, will get soggy….this veggies, you cannot cut liddat, (grumbles) just go out and accompany your brats or hubby, bla bla bla let me do all the work, bla bla bla, becoz I am more smart and experienced than you and BLA BLA BLA!
And then, the MIL will continue to complain and sell their fucking stories to the relatives, her friends, neighbour and any Tom Dick or Harry they meet on the street about their useless daughter in law who ‘do not even know how to turn on the fire on the stove’. So, tell me, what else can daughter in laws do when they try to be helpful in the kitchen and yet the mother in laws constantly kick the poor things out of the kitchen?
The Hygiene Scenario
MIL complaints that the daughter in law does not bathe often and therefore is not hygienic.
MIL: Why didn’t you take a bath yet? It’s late, and now it’s so hot, go and take a bath… it’s not hygenic, and you smell like poo…. bla bla bla…
And so, the daughter in law obediently goes and take a bath and when the daughter in law comes out from her bath, this is what the MIL will say:
MIL: Why you bathe so long wan??? I waited to take a bath very long oredi….water is not cheap, and you’ll get a flu if you bathe too long…summore now so late! Bla bla bla!
The Visiting Scenario
MIL complain that their son did not visit them often.
MIL: Why you all never come back to visit me ah?
And so, the kids bring their wife and their children to visit. But this is what will happen when they visit:
MIL: Eh, when you guys are going back home? You got no work to do in the city meh? You take how many days leave? What time you go back? Go back earlier! Don’t go back so late, later very hard to drive, can easily accident!!! And bla bla bla!
Feeding the brats scenario
MIL: You all never feed my grandchildren ah? Never eat rice ah? Why your kids so skinny? You see la, you never feed these kids rice, how they grow up. So skinny like plywood ( goddammit, if a child is genetically thin like his parents, hyperactive and have high metabolism, how do you expect the brats to grow round and fat like some wobbly jelly?)
And so, the MIL will try to force down some rice and tasteless soup or veggies down the kids’ throats, and when the kids make a fuss and throw tantrums on eating greens, this is what the MIL will say:
MIL: Why you never teach your kids to eat properly ah? Why so fussy! This want to choose, that also want to choose. Why don’t eat rice, don’t eat veggies, bla bla bla… faster go feed you kids, later hungry! You should not allow your kids to choose food, you know, later what oso dunno how to eat! (Dammit, if kids are not fussy, then they are not kids anymore, and which kids loves to eat greens like some goat?)
And then the DIL who knows her fussy kids better than anyone else would feed the kids their favourite food that she knows the kids will eat, because it is general knowledge that it’s better to let the kids eat something than wait for them eat some extremely healthy food and let them starve, this is what the MIL will say:
MIL: Why you feed the kids oily food? Don’t let the kids eat these things too much! Why these stuff so much MSG? Why you feed them sweets and ice cream for dessert? It’s not healthy for children to eat sweets you know?
After that, as usual, the MIL will broadcast to the world that their DIL never feed their grandchildren.
Disciplining the brats scenario
The MIL reprimands the kids and her daughter in laws for not being stern and strict with their children.
MIL: Hey! Don’t let your brats cry and throw tantrums like this! Scream so loud, I cannot rest, and later neighbours will complain you know? Faster settle your brats! Don’t let them behave like this! Headache you know???
And so, when the son or daughter in laws takes out a cane and whack or scold the brats that’s being spoiled by the grandparent(s) in the first place, this is what they will say:
MIL: Hey, don’t beat the kids! They dunno anything wan, must slowly teach….bla bla bla…you never talk peoperly to your kids, that is why your kids so stubborn and never listens, you know, bla bla bla.
And then the MIL will proceed with their routine activities in gossiping on how their useless daughter in law does not know how to teach the children and spoil the brats rotten.
The Communication Scenario
The MIL complaints that the DIL doesn’t know how to respect her, and refused to talk to her. But when the DIL tries to make conversation with her, she’ll either pretends to watch TV or pretends that she doesn’t hear a word and only respond when their sons are around.
The Dinner Scenario
MIL complains that the family hardly have time to have dinner together.
MIL: You all ah, always no time to sit down and eat together with me. Your life ah, so damn busy meh?
And then when the children goes back to visit and wants to have meals together, this is what typical Asian MIL will do:
MIL: You all eat first, I don’t eat so early wan…. bla bla bla…I want to watch tv first, bla bla bla…
And then after all of the nonsense, the MIL of course will whine, sniff and sobs with sexually unsatisfied bitches on the road on how ungrateful their children and in laws are as they refuse to even spend time to sit and have dinner with her.
The family planning scenario
The MIL complain that the kids have been married for quite some time and yet still have no news of any pregnancy.
MIL: You’re married for some time already, why your wife still not yet pregnant? She got problem issit?
And so, the couple in question spend some lovey dovey time together to make some babies, this is what she’ll say to her son:
MIL: Hey, why you spoil your wife so much? Keep on spend time with her, you’re not bored? Married already and yet still so sticky to you? You got nothing better to do than entertain her only ah?
And then when the children had too many babies in short period of time frame, this is what MIL will say:
MIL: You got too many children, you don’t plan your family ah? You not scared next time you have not enough money for their education ah?
There are many more scenarios that I have in mind, but my mood stinks at the moment and I am quite pissed off about certain matter to compose anymore coherent words. And so, ladies and gentlemen, bottom line is, if a MIL do not like a certain DIL, no matter what the DIL do to please her, it will not work, period.
Some old women are just persistent, stubborn and thinks they are always right and the DIL is always in the wrong, and so, I only ask you this: The next time you hear any MIL complain about their DIL on certain matters, do not jump into conclusion and condemn the DIL and labeled her a bad an unfilial DIL. Some DIL are victim of MIL’s mouth, and you will never know what the DIL is experiencing unless you have been put in the same shoes as her.
DIL around may not say it as they have to give face to their MIL and try not to give their husband headache, but most of the time, it’s just the MIL bitching and exaggerating and putting stinky poop on the DIL’s face in front of strangers and relatives alike. Strangers should not judge or comment on other people’s family matters, because outsiders do not have a clear picture on certain family’s relationship and what is the MIL’s intention when she spoke ill of her DIL.
Cleffairy: Sometimes, MIL stands for MONSTER IN LAW too. And do keep in mind that MIL are not professional hairdresser. When you leave your brats alone with your MIL, make sure she doesn’t cut your brats’ hair just because she thought the hair is unreasonably long…unless of course, you want to see your kids walking around looking like a ridiculous Beetles member.