Over A Cuppa Tea

Frankly speaking, Chinese new year is not my favourite time of the year. It can get pretty hectic, stressful and depressing at times. There are alot of things to be done and alot of people to meet, just like a wedding. The only difference is that unlike weddings, you can’t hook up with planners to get things done for you.

It is really a consolation that there are kids around. I was really looking forward to meet my husband’s nephews, whom I adore. They used to be quiet and very reserved. They won’t even talk to me back then, as if they are afraid of me. But this year they are totally different and my heart melts when one of then told me that he loves me and thanked me for the small gift I got them. I was really happy to see them warm up towards me and I think they deserves a bigger angpow than last year from me.

Cleffairy: I love to be around kids. It is easy to please them and make them happy. Their life is so uncomplicated and they are so appreciative, so unlike adults.

It was that time of the year again and my husband went to visit and gamble in his childhood friend’s place, and as usual, my son and I tagged along. Whenever my husband goes gambling during Chinese new year, there will always be drinking and I don’t like it. I’m not so shrewed. I’m okay with people who drinks occasionally and gamble just for fun, but I find people who drink til they are drunk are extremely intolerable.

It’s just plain disgusting to see a bunch of men who slur unintelligible words and could barely walk straight claim that they are real men. They seems to think that drinking a lot of those damn drinks will make them look more manly. As far as I’m concerned, those are not real men, but a bunch trash that looks like they need a good punch in their guts.

What’s so masculine about someone who can barely say something that is coherent and needs help walking? I don’t see such things as manly. That’s just plain disgusting. I wonder if all of these people bothered to look at themselves in the mirror when they are drunk? Obviously they never bothered to do so.

Anyway…my husband was gambling in the kitchen with his friends while my son and I wait for him in the livingroom of his friend’s house while watching TV.

I could barely concentrate on what’s being aired on TV as there’s so much noise in the kitchen. Apparently, all of them are having the time of their lives drinking and gambling their fortunes away.

I don’t always approve my husband’s friends, especially those from his childhood. Most of them are vulgar and disgusting. I merely put up with them because each Chinese new year as whenever my husband goes back to his mother’s house, I will have no place to go and I can call no place as my home. I don’t feel safe and comfortable being left alone with my son in his mother’s place, you know?

It’s just plain akward and I wouldn’t want to displease my mother in law in case my son decides to throw tantrum and whatnot again. It’s really not something I would prefer to handle.

I wish my husband bothered to book a hotel for us to stay whenever we go back hometown, but overnighting outside is out of the question cuz his mum would be very displeased and would be telling tales to the relatives and the entire family. My husband dare not risk her wrath and it’s not as if I never heard what they say about my sister in law who prefers to overnight in her own parent’s place whenever my brother in law goes back to his hometown. They called her many things; disrespectful, unfillial, Queen Control and many more. Poor sister in law, everyone in that family never bother to ask her side of the story and always take my mother in law’s side but I now understand her predicament, and I admire my brother in law for having courage to do all that.

Anyway, I’m straying. What I want to really talk about is his ‘friends’. A bunch of them were leaving while my husband gamble away with the rest of them. Apparently, these bunch of monkeys thought that I am just a stupid whore that just knows how to give birth but do not know how to raise her child properly.

They think they are smart, and I am stupid enough not to understand a word that they said. It seems that my husband told them about my son having ADHD and stuff and they were talking about it in front of me in Mandarin. From my observation, they had no idea that such medical condition even exists, because they were blaming us; my husband and I for my son being different from other children.

A bunch of them were talking about my son being different in front of me while they were leaving this friend’s house and I heard them say this while giving me and my sona not so discreet glance:

“Bu shi genetic de wen ti. Shi ta de papa he mama de wen ti de la”

Roughly translated it means: It’s not genetic problems. It’s his papa and mama’s problems.

My God, it gets worst each year. At least last year there’s someone who is smart enough to understand what it is and suggest us to try acupunture to treat my son’s hyperactivity. This year got to be the worst one yet…or is there anymore in store next year? ( Yeah, I bet there’s more. )

Darn it, I really wonder who is the ones with the real problems? I am not the one who is wreak with stinky alcohol all over my body and could barely walk straight. And I was not the one who gambles all my fortunes away. I really wonder who is the one with real problems. My son may be very active and would not attempt to make any interaction with anyone unless he’s really comfortable with them, but at least he’s not a slurring, vulgar idiots who could barely keep their head straight after a few drinks.

I can only thank God that not all of my husband’s friends are vulgar and drunken bastards. It is a consolation that I met another one of my husband friend whom I’m not only okay with but have some degree of respect for him too. He’s a foreigner from Holland, but have been living in Malaysia for quite some time now. He’s more than twice my age and I am amazed with his wisdom, his understanding, and his support towards children like my son.

It seems that they are much more educated and have more awareness on ADHD, autisim, Asperger and many more behaviour and cognitive related problems in the West and instead of pointing fingers to me and my husband for having a son who is different from other children, he asked me if my son have ADHD or autism and if we are sending him for theraphy. I was glad to answer his questions and he was very affectionate towards my son who takes a liking to him immediately. For what it’s worth, I certainly do not mind my husband having this kind of friend. At least this kind is educated and supportive instead of being judgmental and ignorant bastards,

Sad, isn’t it? This country is just full of shits, and it takes a foreigner to actually make me feel that this world is actually civilized.

Cleffairy: Sorry to say this, but I choose my friends. I’m not mature enough to handle immaturities and drunken vulgar bastards are not preferred.

Happy Chinese new year to all those who are celebrating. I hope you are having fun and to those who detests this festive season, don’t worry. Just try to endure it and it will be over…eventually.

There are alot of things the typical Chinese observe during the eve of Chinese new year apart from the compulsory reunion dinner.

Among them is praying to the long dead ancestors and the recetly deceased.You are supposed to burn incense and many other praying items made from paper. You are also supposed to bring some food and wine as an offering to the dead during the praying session. I suppose like Ching Ming, this tradition is designed so that the dead is not forgotten during the supposedly happiest and most auspicious time of the year.

I was not aware of this tradition until this year where my husband brought me to the temple and insist that I pray to his ancestor, in which I declined to do as it is against what I believe in.

Now, I have nothing against paying respect to your loved ones who are already dead or recenly deseased, but I do not appreciate being asked to do something against my will or against what I believe in. I do not make a practice of compromising my beliefs and my religion.

To me, your belief, your God, your religion, your practice is yours and mine is mine. Nobody should be made to do something that is against their belief, and everyone should practice that to ensure continuos respect towards each other and maintain harmonious relationship with each other. I never forced anyone to do what I do, and they should also do the same for me in return.

So…in the end I stood aside, bow one time and wait til my husband finish his praying ritual. Did I do the right thing? I don’t know, but I know I did something that doesn’t make me feel guilty or unhappy.

Cleffairy: So, if you’re asked or forced to do something that is against your beliefs, what do you do? Do you explain why you refuse or do you simply go along with it?