As of late, yours truly has discovered that her money has been all but burn. Why? Because she discovered that most of her favourite romance paperback books such as Harlequin, Mills& Boon, Silhouette as well as other expensive and worth reading books can be downloaded on the Internet. What’s worst, it can be downloaded for free if effort are made to find out where the e-books are hosted. I guess just about anything can be found online these days. Internet, freebies galore! I’m such a slowpoke not to discover that earlier. My knowledge in freebies only revolves around movies, not free e-books.

Well, enough of my remorse for my money being down the drain. Let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about something in, and something kinky. Something kids and youngsters these days would gladly talk about, and sometimes, would shamelessly boasts about it. Let’s talk about relationship or to be more accurate, cyber relationship.

Internet has made communication between one person and another very convenient and cheap, and one would only need a PC or a laptop, a stable Internet connection, and a chat client to communicate with one another live. Communication made easy, and so does relationship. Cyber relationship is not something that’s unheard off these days. It’s actually a very common thing. People are brought together by various online medium- friendster, facebook, myspace, blogs, forums, you name it. It’s actually a good thing. It brings people closer together. Couples or families who are miles apart or living in different continent and time zone could communicate with each other easily with the existence of the Internet.

Being able to establish communication with various people around the world is a great thing.However, is it actually a good thing when virtual sex is involve? Ahem, for those who are not so familiar with what cyber sex is really about, allow me to elaborate on it a little. Cyber sex or virtual sex encounter in which two or more persons connected remotely through a computer network send one another sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. It is actually a form of role-playing in which the participants pretend they are having actual sexual relations. This fantasy sexual relation is accomplished by sending one another explicit message to stimulate one another.

Serious form of cybersex usually includes real life masturbation. The quality of a certain cyber sex session totally depends on how creative or imaginative the participants are with words. Cybersex can occur either within the context of existing or intimate relationships among lovers and couples who are geographically separated, or among individuals who have not even a clue on who they are having cybersex with and remains anonymous to one another. For most, cybersex is one time relationship, something that I would classified as a one night stand in real life. Cybersex, sometimes is enhance by IP phone or webcams where the participants gets rather aroused by either their vocal conversation or their actions.

Usually, the participants of cyber sex would try to make the experience as real as possible. The participants takes turn to write explicit message to one another, but that is not all, sometimes(but I think it’s most of the time), cybersex chatters/participants usually are involved in role-playing cyber sex, where sometimes the participants create plots or situation for their cybersex session. Plots like rape, gangbang and bondage are common favourites plots among cyber sex chatters. People who are ‘cybering’ would pretend that they are involve in such action to achieve sexual satisfaction. And at the same time, most would masturbate as they engaged in such sexual conversation.

Cybersex, to me is quite a funny thing, as most do not know the identity of the person that they are having ‘sex’ with on the other side of the line. Yes, you can convince yourself that you’re cybering with a sexgod but it turn out that the person that you’re talking to can turn out to be some weird transvestite who is lusting for some sexual release through such conversation.

I’ll try to be fair here. I will not say that cybersex is all bad, as there are advantages in such activities. Well, while our government and holier than thou society would have us believe that cybersex is a form of evil, I believe that it can actually benefit teenagers who are, well, teenagers are sometimes hormones driven, and in their quiets to quench curiosity, cyber sex could actually help them to experiment with their sexual thoughts and emotions without having the risk of getting STD/AIDS or getting pregnant in the process.

People with HIV/AIDS can also benefit from cybersex, as they will not be putting their partner at risk as cybesex do not actually involve any physical contact among the participants. Cybersex too, would reduce the possibilities of infidelity among couples who are geographically separated as it allow couples to be sexually intimate in some ways.

Cybersex participants can also act out fantasies which they would not and could not act out in real life through role playing due to physical or social restriction and potential for misunderstanding, such as extreme SM, animal sex,incest or even non-consensual sex.

Cybersex chatrooms also gives good insight and a very good research materials to authors or students who lack experience and knowledge about people’s sexual fantasies to write better in their romance novels or assignments. I have a few author friends who visited such sites for writing explicit scenes inspiration. And since cybersex conversation is not copyrighted, they even copy, paste and edit the conversation that occurred in the chatroom in their masterpiece. This is one of an author/novelist’s trick that I’m not supposed to tell, but I would like to share it with you guys so that guys know where some of those explicit novels scene comes from. When an author or a student described something very explicitly in her novel or assignment, it does not always mean that they are describing it from experience or they have extreme knowledge about it. Sometimes, they ‘steal’ it from cybersex chatrooms. Convenient and safe? Definitely.

To me, cybersex is not an ultimate evil, and it can only be bad when it’s brought into real life where sometimes, couples consider it as a form of infidelity. Such habit can bring stress to one’s marriage when one get rather emotionally attached to the person(not their spouse/real life partner) that they were cybering with and wishes to make the relation real. Cybersex can definitely be bad when one is addicted to it, and feels that cybersex is better than the real thing, and started to neglect their partner’s sexual needs.

Some sex maniacs uses cybersex chatrooms to fish out minors and trick them into coming out and have sex with them in real life, and there are many cases of it in Malaysia where minors are tricked to come out and have sex with their cybersex partner. Sadly, not only minors are tricked into doing, but adults too. So, my advice to you people out there who are involve in cybersex every now and then with strangers, just be careful. Never use webcams and acts out your bloody explicit fantasy as people could record down your sexual antics in various ways and blackmail you with it. They may not blackmail you with if they do not know who you really are, but they definitely can plaster your sexual acts or nude pictures all over the net. So, careful people, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Cleffairy: Is cybersex better than the real thing? Can it actually fulfill all of your sexual needs? One thing to ponder about.

Disclaimer: Over A Cuppa Tea author does not condone cybersex and explicit sexual behaviour. The author of Over A Cuppa Tea would not be held responsible for anyone who decided to get involve in cybersex after reading this entry.


  1. Dreamkid says:

    I’m the 1st to vote! lol

    I believe what you said about the good points of cybersex is good.

    I’m wondering… whether it is good because my church says all forms of sex other than for pro-creation and with your wife is wrong.

    So… I’m here thinking if I were to be faithful to my religion, I have to suppress all forms of thought about sex.

    As long as I don’t think about it… I think I’m safe.

    The reason why people are so hooked on sex, I think… is because they have it in their mind all the time.

    If there is no thought… the act won’t occur.

    As for minors who are curious… I hope they aren’t curious enough to have sex with someone in real life.

    Pregnancy and abortion my occur.

    Well… if you ask me, I haven’t had the privilege to have sex. So I am not qualified to say anything.

  2. calvin says:

    it seems like a lot of our posts are about love and sex…..hehehe

    interesting……hmmm, i guess cybersex does have an edge over actual sex coz you can have sex with almost everyone minus the disease……hahaha. i think its safe to a certain extent. we humans overuse almost everything under the sun. take drugs for example. its made for clinical purposes but overuse it, you may be addicted. same goes for cybersex. hell, i used to search for porn when i was much younger. experimenting mah…….now, hardly. so busy until want to make love with my wife also have to make appointment….hahaha.

  3. arc says:

    “The author of Over A Cuppa Tea would not be held responsible for anyone who decided to get involve in cybersex after reading this entry.”

    Haha I just dont feel like it. regarding to your question:
    Is cybersex better than the real thing. I don’t think so. I can’t explain it as well as u do but from my personal view, it is just funny to think that there are people who are ‘subsituting’ real sex for this cybersex.

    I have friends who experienced this thing. Well, not really. There were people trying to fish my friends to such thing but gladly, they refused. On top of that, I always find social network website being abused for cybersex and the doers even have their own cybersex community – which I always (accidentally of course =P) found in

    The only thing that does concern me is sex predators. They’d pretend to befriend ones and get to know one’s personal detail. And after that, feast time.(lol)

    For those who are doing this thing on their own desire, I have nothing to say. But, if you are being blackmailed, please seek for help immediately. =D

  4. KevinP says:

    Sometimes they say, to be an author/ writer, you need to experience it first hand to be able to describe the whole experience more vividly to their audience……… hmmmmm….

  5. cleffairy says:

    Dreamkid, I’m not so sure on how to reply on the religion restriction thingie. I’m not a religious person, far from it, and I think I lead my life trying to do good deeds in my life not because I fear God, but because of conscience and morals. I still have a lot to learn about religion, but I believe some religion would have you believe that a wife must sumbit to her husband and enjoying sex is something you shouldn’t do, and I am totally against that, because making love is such a beautiful thing when commitment is involved. It’s the heart and soul thing. LOL. I guess where cybesex is concern, there’s pro and cons to it, depending on how you view it and how you are involve with it.

    Calvin…ahahaha… yalorr, lotsa love, lotsa sex. Make love not war ma… LOL… one thing the leaders of the world should learn to do, make more love and not more err… bombs? LOL. I also think that it is safe to certain extent, when you’re totally anonymous, then I think cybersex is okay. It’s okay until you think that is real and you get into trouble because of cybering, that is. 😛 Huwaaaa… want to make love to your wife also need to make appointment? But, that is understandable lah… it happens to most married couple. LMAO. For the honeymoon month, it’s easy to get laid by your spouse, but after that…life catch up with you, and if you get to make love once a wekk, it can be considered good enough. Ahahaha.

    oi, budak… want to try? Dun la… play game better….jie pei you play maple when new patch is out, wan anot? Gogo pirate!

    Arc, good thing if you dun feel like cybering, because this blog entry is not meant for encouraging people to have cybersex. I’m merely trying to dish out some opinions and for people to share their experience here with me. LOL. Trust me, there are people who are substituting real sex for cybersex, because some simply do not have a real sex life and yet their sex drives is driving them crazy. So, for release, they opt for cybersex. LOL. I think you can stumble on any ‘sexy’ place anywhere on the internet… ahahah… internet is full of sex and porns, anyway, and ful of people who are looking for it. LMAO.

    …*choke* I have to admit something here. Authors are good liars. Even if they dun experience it, they still can write about it. And if they are not a good liar, free sex chatrooms is a good resource to ‘copy, paste and edit’ sexy conversation and plots into the novel. I did that… LMAO… cuz I’m not good at writing explicit scenes… simply could not bring myself to write very explicitly for those ‘making love’ scene. I freak myself out. LOL. Hell I know a lot of authors who did that too. they can write hot and rampant sex scenes and yet still pure and chaste. Ahahahha. But, these days, I dun do such things anymore, because my writing seems to resembles the WW3 documentary by the day… LOL.

  6. cleffairy says:

    Arc… lol… Pete is a food blogger, so everytime he comment, sure got food element on it…. ahahaha…. ah, yes, The Star’s article… I’m not so sure if the lady is involved with cybersex cuz she actually knew the person in real life, but she’s definitely stupid enough to be infidel towards her husband and allow all this nonsense to happen. if she was not involve in such relationship in the first place, all of this wouldn’t happen, right? infidelity at the cost of her marriage and dignity…worth it? Definitely not!

  7. cleffairy says:

    Yup, one shouldn’t cheat on their spouse…after all, they did vow to be devoted to each other, for better or worst. What came into question is this, how come the husband doesn’t seems to be bothered by her infidelities, and manage to forgive her? I know women have reason to stand by their husband at time like that, but men? It’s a rare case… see my opinion on forgiving men’s infidelities… HERE

  8. ZARA 札拉 [사랑해~] says:

    Hi dear.

    Well, I’d my 1st love in MySpace. We’d been together for 1 and half years. Everything went smooth until at one stage, fate is not belong to us. We walked in separated path now…and I’m stay single.

    Its a good memories, and of cz its hurt as well.

    Thanks a lot cz dropped by in my blog dear!

    BTW, I’m not the one who sit for SPM.
    I’m in Final Year in University~


  9. ZARA 札拉 [사랑해~] says:

    Hi dear.

    Well, I’d my 1st love in MySpace. We’d been together for 1 and half years. Everything went smooth until at one stage, fate is not belong to us. We walked in separated path now…and I’m stay single.

    Its a good memories, and of cz its hurt as well.

    Thanks a lot cz dropped by in my blog dear!

    BTW, I’m not the one who sit for SPM.
    I’m in Final Year in University~


  10. cleffairy says:

    Zara… hi, welcome to my humble blog. I’ve been lurking around in LZ’s site for some time now, and actually, to be frank with you, I’ve been following your blog for quite some time, only it’s hard for me to comment because my Internet connection is so slow at times, and your blog have so many things to load. Ahahaha… I like your blog, actually, lotsa love, and gives me the feel good feeling. Yup, I know you’re not taking SPM, the luck is for your final year exam… lol…wish you all the best, and excel in your exams. 😀 Yeah, sometimes, cyber relationship can hurt very much, and the feelings are vivid and real, isn’t it? I’m married, and I may have been spared from such love over the internet, but I do have a lot of online friends who i can relate to pretty well, and they are very good listener. I feel comfortable sharing problems with them and vice versa. i also grow very fond of people who are also bloggers who frequent my blogs too, even though i do not know them in real life.Cyber relationship is not at all bad, it’s only bad when it affect your lives badly. I guess you’ll have to thread carefully when you’re involve in cyber relationships. 😀

    Chris… lol… yupyup… imagine that… but to some people, it’s real… and I dun understand why, though to some certain extent, cybersex is a safe way to become a sex maniac and act out your sexual fantasies…no strings attached… but married couples do not need those… ahahaha… oh well… unless they are authors and they’re too lazy to plot explicit sex scene for their romance novel. 😛

  11. arc says:

    how come the husband doesn’t seems to be bothered by her infidelities?
    Maybe and just maybe, the husband is the one who sold off those nude pics of the wife!!!WAAAA~~high imagination hahahha

    this make sense regarding the woman to run away from his husband…heheh

  12. cleffairy says:

    Arc. whoaaaaaa dahsyatnya!~ But maybe, you’re right…which husband would not be bothered by his wife’s infidelity? If I happened to two timed my husband, I’m sure as hell he’ll make me feel sorry for even being born, and likewise too… ahahaha…. we’re both very protective and possessive about each other, which is a good thing, as it serves us as a constant reminder that we should be faithful towards each other and never go astray.

  13. riverrasquale says:

    Cybersex works especially for asexuals!
    The thing is – if you have to get off, you have to get off…however cybersex can be addictive and can lead to meetings with strangers. I am so glad that I was not a teenager or young adult when internet was available. Knowing my sheltered kinda life, I would have been curious about this at that early age. Also people who likes sex, likes cybersex because they have high libido, unless they think its a waste of time. People actually invest in their time to cyber. I think men who are lonely, like their wife’s on menopause or they are migrant workers or international students gain from getting this relief. In a way, if you are female and you had cybersex with a male and he got off, it’s kind of like a “comfort” woman. At the end of the day, you do effect the other person…

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.