Dear Satan Claus, Devourer of Children’s Souls,
My name is Cleffairy. And i’m 24 years old this year. This year, I have been a very bad little girl. I have compulsively cheated, and I have never helped my colleague with their pyramid schemes or their credit card debts. But I always say thank you, which makes me polite, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!
Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring a tranquilizer. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little sister, please bring methodone. For my doggy, please bring breath mints. For my husband, more money in his savings account, so that he could afford to give me supplementary Mastercard that I can swipe and sign to my heart’s content. Oh, and for my boss, please bring some work ethic, he’s been flirting with the bitches in my office. It’s such an eyesore.
Now about me. Please bring me all of the new bling bling jewelries in Tiffany&co’s Xmas collection , a wardrobe of pretty dresses, and two first class flight ticket to Venice, plus a free cruise trip around the world. Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0 too. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just RM 100,000,000!
Anyway, I will leave some cognag for you. I’m sure you will enjoy it. It’s a good one, Santa. You really should try something more intoxicating than milk. I really would like to see you fly on the sledge while intoxicated. i wonder if there’s any air patrol that will issue you a ticket or two.
Hohoho, Merry Xmas to you and the entire North Pole.
PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.
PPS: Oh yeah, and remember the bitch in my life? You know, the very same one who tries to get you in her skirt? She has been a really naughty and slutty all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put some dog shit in her stocking. Thanks!
Cleffairy: There you go folks, Cleff’s letter to Santa, and there goes my good girl image. LOL.