I ended up wishing that I’m not human and somehow, sleep is not a necessity lately. Why? Well… I started to have those problem again. As long as I sleep more than 4 hours, I’ll get intense nightmare that’s so vivid and seems so real that it’ll affect my mood for the entire day.
I’m not quite sure why I keep getting nightmares again… but I suspect it has something to do with my seasonal depression.Thinking about CNY alone depressed me… and no… I’m not a hypocrite. I’m not going to hide that.
CNY usually means feeling all shut out… and my entire nervous system would be like on a shut down mode. CNY also means a terrible hole in the savings account too. Money goes out, out and out….whether I like it or not. It’s unavoidable. Not something that I like… I merely tolerate it’s ‘existence’.
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t mind spending… but I would like to have my money worth. I hate spend on things that does not make me happy. I hate spending on people that I don’t like, things that I don’t like… and I hate spending on people who make snideful remarks behind my back.
Seasonal depression has no cure… so please don’t tell me to seek professional help. Unless it’s an assassin, ‘professional’ help cannot help me get rid of people whom I dislike eg: outlaws and co…. friends who are not exactly my friends and co, etc.
Neway, back to the nightmare…it’s one of the worst nightmare in the history of Cleffairy universe. Somehow, in that nightmare, I was forced to attend someone’s wedding and was forced to be a bridesmaid. What’s worst was that they have loads of photographers around… it’s the wedding of the century with the whole nine yards. And I’m forced to be involved in it! 🙁
Now… I have nothing against weddings, but let’s just say that sometimes, there are some people that I would never want to attend their weddings…. for various reasons. One of it is being that their family are broadcasters wannabes and their mums are gossip queens.
This might not make any sense to you… but those who knows me personally would know why I don’t exactly like to attend people’s wedding. Friends weddings are still fun, so far… as long as they don’t ask me about mine or why I did not invite them.
But outlaws wedding, dinner function, etc? They’re not exactly something I will defined as ‘fun’. Snideful and sarcastic remarks will often will be thrown at me, and I’m not exactly a fan of being a subject of their gossip either.
The outlaws always think that just because I don’t speak any of their language, I understood none of what they spoke. If only that’s the case. Ignorance is bliss in some ways, but I’m not actually ignorant, unfortunately for me 🙁
I woke up panting and sweating…and I prayed hard that such a nightmare would never be a reality… if it did… well I guess I’ll have to find a back up by buying flight ticket to my parent’s place or take a short vacation or something and hide there ALONE til everything is over, I guess. (MAS shall soon be my best friend *roll eyes*)
Cleffairy: My life have so much UNRESOLVED ISSUES that I’ve already give up solving. You may ask me why I still haven’t solve it, but well… it takes two to tango. If the other one does not want to tango, are you expecting me to tango with a bloody mop, then??? _i_ #!#[email protected]#!$#@%#$W%^