I fear a lot of things, but I am definitely not afraid to admit that I’m afraid of a lot of thing, for I know, I am only human, and it is human nature to be fearful of things. By fearing things and be afraid of things that is beyond us, we become more aware of our environment. It’sÂ nature’s gift to us human to protect ourselves against harm.
As I said, I fear a lot of things. One of them is empty pages. Empty pages scares me. It makes me feel empty and uninspired. It made me feel dead inside and unmotivated. Empty pages, to me, is just like loneliness and sorrow. The feelings they gave me are dreadful and almost unbearable.
After 63 days, 509 pages and 233007 words… my latest novel manuscript is finally completed, and once again, I found myself staring at the empty, clean piece of office document once again. Being able to complete this manuscript is a big achievement for me, because if I’m honest to myself, I know not many is capable of writing 509 pages in just 63 days consecutively.
I am supposed to feel grateful and relieved as I’ve persevered til the end. But instead of feeling that way, my latest manuscript made me feel empty, very, very empty, and suddenly, I feel as if I had too much time to spend. There’s a void in my heart. I feel like I am attending my character’s funeral, and I am supposed to say goodbye to them. I have to say goodbye to their quirks, their adventures, misadventures, and angst as well as their passion. I am no longer in control of what they say or do, and this is just sad for me.
I hate it when my novels comes to an end… because that will mean my horrendous editing nightmares will begin. Not to mention that I’ll have to face the empty pages once again.
Yes… empty pages scares me. It’s one of those things that I’m scared of, among many other things. It’s a weird thing to be scared off, isn’t it? But I am just human. I fear many things. I wonder, what are you scared of? Or you’re scared of nothing?
Cleffairy: Going to overcome my fear for empty pages by starting a new adventure with new characters in a new novel. That’s the only way I won’t feel dead and empty, isn’t it? Yes, I will overcome the fear of feeling empty, by being brave and start writing a line or two to fill the void on the empty pages.