In loving memory of Selina Yang Su Ye

I was browsing through my old unpublished work, and I came across one entitled ‘It’s Crazy Unless The Bestman Marry Me’. I wrote it when I was 16 years old. It’s about a young man who fell in love with his adopted younger sister who is about to get married. He tried to deny his feelings for her in the beginning, but crazy things ensues when he confessed his feelings for her.

I was enjoying the read. It’s nice to read something that I’ve written in the past, but as I hit a chapter in that unpublished novel, I felt a prick in my heart. Why? It’s because I suddenly remembered what I made myself forget.

I come to realize that this unpublished novel was written after the death of my friend who succumbed to cancer-the one who forbid me to go and see her for one last time because she doesn’t want me to remember her as a sickly young woman on her deathbed.

She also forbid all of us…. her friends, from attending her wake and her funeral because she did not want us to be too  distraught after her death. She wanted us to concentrate on our studies, and I cried for many days after her departure cuz I couldn’t see her for one last time.

I dedicated this novel for her after her death, but could never bring myself to edit this unpublished novel back then…but now, after a decade, I think it is time to face the grief of loosing a friend who illustrate most of my work for me and publish it to honour her memories… and perhaps…God willing, I’ll donate part of my royalty to a cancer foundation to give hope to those who was like Selina Yang Su Yi.

Cleffairy: How could I forget? Why did I made myself forget? She was like my right hand!

ps: I only kept in touch with Michi. DEELS jie, JN, Shu Fen, Xiao Qing, please contact me if you happen to read this.


    • Cleffairy says:

      Yes…. yes, she was a good person. Apart from my kid sister, she was the one who helped me illustrate some of my work. I can’t believe that I forced myself to forget her all these while. I tink I was very young and her death was too painful to bear, so I did not want to remember. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. And now… now that I accidentally dug out my old work that was dedicated to her after her death, I think it is God’s way of telling me to publish it and use the royalty for cancer foundation.

  1. MRC says:

    Must be quite a grieving experience to lose a good friend at very young age – “hands-on” experience, not just reading on news

  2. Twilight Man says:

    You made me think so much about the loss of my several good friends. I first started grieving at 21 years old and his death changed me forever. Life still go on and we shape them the way we wish.

    • Cleffairy says:

      I was a sickly child. I grew up in the hospital, and I lost my first friend when I was 9 years old. She died because of leukemia. I could barely understand what death was and my mum always tells me that God loves them more each time my friends passed away, but I still couldn’t help but feel empty each time they passed away.

  3. Deels says:

    Hi mei. I got an email from Maddy (thanks Maddy :)) & she mentioned about your blog, so here I am. First thing I did was scroll down to see what sort of thing you write about. And I saw Suye’s name & I stopped reading everything else. I will never forget Suye. She was like my little sister. It was years ago, when I was still in Portsmouth, but I remember how I stayed awake on msn, waiting to hear from Yvonne (Suye’s cousin) about Suye’s condition. I didn’t switch my pc off for days just in case.. I remember Suye every year on her birthday. And I also remember Josh. He passed away not long after Suye did, in a car accident. I could only imagine how Yvonne must have felt, to have both her cousin & her cousin’s boyfriend (both of whom were her housemates) taken away from her so suddenly. I lost contact with Yvonne as her hotmail became inactive & have no idea how to contact her or Surong for that matter. I really miss Suye, and nothing I can write will be enough to describe just how much she means to me. I am glad I joined winglin, and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to have known so many great & wonderful people, especially Suye. I’ve never met her, never heard her voice – only things I have now is a photo of her, the last letter she wrote to me before her death, her various comments on my stories on winglin, and 1 story that she wrote (submitted to my compilation account Leaves From The Valley). Memories.. how painful they are, but I won’t let go, because it’s all I have of her. Miss you Suye. And thank you mei, for mentioning her in your blog.

    • Cleffairy says:

      Deels Jie!!!! *practically screaming* Oh God! It’s really you! I can’t believe it. Maddy jie said she will drop you an email to let you know that I’m looking for all of our winglin friends, and I can’t believe how fast she manage to let you know about me! *HUGS* Jie, i miss you all so much.

      Alot of things happened after all of these years…and it didn’t come across my mind to post up in my blog to look for all of you. Thank God I did… neway, I’ll be dropping an email to you right now.

      ps: Yes… sometimes, it still hurts when I think about Suyi jie. 🙁 I remembered her phone calls back den when she was still ill. I couldn’t forget that last phone call. But I guess she’s in a better place now, and i think she’ll be happy if she knows that we are still friends despite the years that separates us. =D

  4. Pauline says:

    Hello there,

    I stumbled upon your site while doing my PhD research on contemporary adult/romance fiction – and may I congratulate you on a well-maintained site, thoughtful reviews and articulate writing. If I happen to cite your work in my PhD, I will contact you further for permission and referencing purposes.

    The real reason I am commenting, however – is due to this post of yours. I know Suye, and I have mourned Suye. She was my high school classmate and one of my dearest friends. I was with her towards the end in Melbourne, and it took me a very long time to get over her passing. I still think about her now and then, after 10 whole years.

    Were you very close to her? I know Suye talks of a fanfiction writing site – not sure if it is Winglin you mentioned in your comment – she enjoys writing and reading as I remembered she was quite obsessed with Hong Kong series (something that I sadly do not share with her as I don’t understand Chinese). Are you one of her friends back then, those who knew of what was happening throughout her whole fight?

    I still see her younger sister Surong Yang now and then when I do go back home to Asia. Her cousin Yvonne Yang – as I believe you probably do know her from your comments above – is one of my closest friends and we still keep in constant contact.

    If you do wish to contact me for any reason, please do so. I think it will be nice for us to connect, however brief, about someone who is very very well-loved to me, and seems like she meant a lot to you as well.

    Best regards.

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